I am just cut-and-pasting this from another message ... it's not eloquent but it'll tell you what's going on.
Yesterday was HARD, it was a big mental shift for me to see her with her mom. I think it is the first time I have really understood in my HEART what our status with Z really is -- what it really means to be a foster mom. Mom "S" is doing really well in her treatment. And she is a nice lady and obviously really really loves Z. She is on the verge of being able to get a CNA job -- she had an interview yesterday morning that she said went really well.
I think, to be really honest, it's a 50/50 chance or less that we will adopt Z. But we'll see what happens. Really, everything will depend on the judge.
I told the social worker at the doctor this morning (yes, she did end up coming with) that I really do wish S the best and want her to succeed. But I don't trust her. And the SW said that's how it should be and that is exactly how the agency sees it.
Yesterday I was really really upset about this stuff -- just sick to my stomach all afternoon. But today I am doing better.
Z had 3 shots this morning but did really well. She is a trooper! And she talked and cooed at S all through the appointment. S was loving it, of course. But after the shots ... she only wanted me.