Somehow in the last three days things have changed a lot for me.
I'm not scared anymore about what will happen with Z. In addition to assurance that S is not creepy or scary (at least for now, while she is clean) and S's promise that she would like to keep in touch if she is reunified with Z, I have simply been given a gift of peace. I know God is in charge. This cannot go any way other than His way.
And I know now that if we lose her, it will not actually destroy me. I will mourn, maybe even a lot, and then I will go on, and probably even take the same risks all over again.
I went back and read what I wrote before we were approved about Nephi's courage. I think I was right. If we have faith and start out to do what we think we can't do, the Lord will teach us how strong we really are. That is maybe the best application of His power, to bring us to know the best about ourselves.
Fostering kids is a big thing. I know it's not for everyone. A lot of people tell me they could never do it. The thing is, I bet at least some of them could. Or maybe they could do something else.
I wonder, what other big things might we do to make a difference in the world, if we set aside our fear? I think about one of my young women who went earlier this month to the Dominican Republic to assist her dad, an oral surgeon working on Operation Smile. I think about a Tongan elder who came to California to teach the gospel for two years. And there are so many other things -- ways to serve and change and do better.
I better go to bed before I decide to bury my car and burn my TV.