Sunday, January 28, 2007

Not afraid

Somehow in the last three days things have changed a lot for me.

I'm not scared anymore about what will happen with Z. In addition to assurance that S is not creepy or scary (at least for now, while she is clean) and S's promise that she would like to keep in touch if she is reunified with Z, I have simply been given a gift of peace. I know God is in charge. This cannot go any way other than His way.

And I know now that if we lose her, it will not actually destroy me. I will mourn, maybe even a lot, and then I will go on, and probably even take the same risks all over again.

I went back and read what I wrote before we were approved about Nephi's courage. I think I was right. If we have faith and start out to do what we think we can't do, the Lord will teach us how strong we really are. That is maybe the best application of His power, to bring us to know the best about ourselves.

Fostering kids is a big thing. I know it's not for everyone. A lot of people tell me they could never do it. The thing is, I bet at least some of them could. Or maybe they could do something else.

I wonder, what other big things might we do to make a difference in the world, if we set aside our fear? I think about one of my young women who went earlier this month to the Dominican Republic to assist her dad, an oral surgeon working on Operation Smile. I think about a Tongan elder who came to California to teach the gospel for two years. And there are so many other things -- ways to serve and change and do better.

I better go to bed before I decide to bury my car and burn my TV.


Bek said...

Great post... I have been thinking about this a lot too... so I started a charity... more on that on my blog soon....

As for the Z thing... I am proud of you. You are a brave person. It is HARD to love a child when you know they can leave you. I want the right thing to happen, but I also want her to stay with you! :-)

Victoria said...

Having had a foster dd I understand where you are coming from to a certain extent (our dd was older), but I also know what it takes to let go and it is not easy and I pray if that is how it goes you will continue to have peace with it all. It is not easy and I admire you for your strength and faith.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Z. I do hope she can stay with you forever. {{{HUGS}}}

Kari said...

I think the Lord blesses us with the trials in life that we have to grow us in to the kind of person he wants us to become.

Without those trials we wouldn't get that growth. I can see you are getting the growth He wants for you in caring for Z!

Hugs!! You are such a blessing for your family and for Z, and for me because you give me an added measure of strength.

Have a WONDERFUL week!!

Lisa M. said...


A wonderful thing.