Thursday, January 04, 2007

Forget yourself and go to work

That famous piece of advice was, of course, given to President Hinckley by his father when he was a discouraged missionary.

It also applies to an anxious mom taking a foster child in for a parental visit. Last week and this week I have filled that hour with errands. It is so much better than coming home and twiddling my thumbs! Strangely exhilarating, in fact, to cram in as much as I can before picking Z up at 3 on the dot. Today I stopped at home, gassed up the van, paid the rent, and mailed a package. Last week it was Christmas returns. Too busy for that nauseating nervousness. It's a good thing. Plus I can look on the bright side and be grateful for the chance to do errands without lugging around the baby bucket.

When we took foster parent education they told us that parents will strip the kids down and look for injuries, marks, anything they can use against the foster family. Today I know meth mommy did this because she asked about a mark on Z's thigh. She thought it looked like Z had been pinched. How I wish I could have been the one to tell her ... YOU DID THAT. It was one of those blisters her little body made to get rid of the toxins she was exposed to prenatally. Now it's a little, dark-red scar. I talked to the social worker about it, and she's down with that ... we've talked about those blisters before. Finally, five weeks later, no new blisters are appearing. Thank heavens for that.

Another element of heartbreak today -- m.mommy gave us a bag of 0 - 3 month clothes. Some brand new but some that have clearly been worn and carefully laundered. I imagine these were baby clothes worn by her other children. She lost them to their father (a different father from Z's) a year ago. It's so sad, as I look at them. I realize Z has these family members she may never know. I wish it could be different.

Maybe most of all I just wish today we could have a clean break, not so many lingering uncertainties and sad memories.

Less than two weeks until the Jan. 16 court hearing. Is everybody praying?

American Idol starts that night so maybe if things go badly I can at least feel better by mocking the ridiculous auditioners.

4 comments:

Victoria said...

I am praying hard Ana! That is so hard, I am sorry for all the uncertanty, I hope you can find some peace through the next 2 weeks. {{{HUGS}}}

WatchMeLoseWeight said...

I am praying for you too Ana!

Tammy said...

Me... I'm praying... and there is so much heartache in these situations isn't there? No matter how you look at it. Si went thru withdrawal and I didn't tell his first mom until she called one evening and he was doing the high-pitched scream as DH laid beside him in a quiet, dark room. She could hear it across the whole house... she asked "what is that?" I told it was SI, he's not feeling well. What's wrong??? she asked. Ummmm.... these kiddos will live with the consequences of another's choice for their whole life. I am working to deal with that but somedays, like you... okay, you know what I mean.

Praying so hard for what is best for Z. Praying, praying, praying... and big hugs to you and to her!!!

Tandy said...

Ana, you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly! I have a lot of admiration for what you are doing, and I know you have a big heart and are so ready to welcome this sweet baby into your family. God bless all of you!