Processing: the day after

So last night was my big event, the "Launching the Future Celebration." I made the programs, I wrote the script, I directed the soundtrack, I created the visual presentation. There was a lot of stuff I DIDN'T do (food, setup, tech work, speaking on stage, donor work, and much more) but this project was, to me, my work-baby.

For two days I thought I was getting the flu. My stomach was in knots. I had moments of panic where I thought I was going to cry or vomit. At the last moment I ditched the cue book I was supposed to be writing and my very understanding boss told me it was okay. Thank God for an understanding boss.

I used to perform quite a bit in plays and musical stuff, when I was in high school. I haven't done any of that in many years. My last show was the English Society play at BYU my senior year. I played Hermione in A Winter's Tale. (Great role, in my opinion!) At that point I grossed out about playing in-love with someone other than my husband, but other than that I did not have a lot of nerves. I wasn't me. It wasn't my heart on the line. Maybe that's why I didn't stick with acting and performing.

Last night it was my heart on the line. The words came from me. The sincere emotion came from me. I told the table of grad students I was sitting with (my husband is one of them), "No cynicism tonight."

It worked. Not just with the grad students -- the whole audience. I could feel the hush in the right moments, we got the laughs when we proclaimed UC Merced's athletic teams undefeated and when we showed a picture of a fairy shrimp, we got cheers when we showed faculty and staff members doing their jobs. The lights on the buildings were gorgeous, the fireworks exciting, the music triumphant.

The palpable relief I have felt since the end of the evening last night is an amazing feeling. My dad would say it's like quitting knocking yourself over the head with a mallet. Maybe. But I love it. So maybe writing and directing is more up my alley. Maybe I'm a risk-taker after all, and I just never knew it before!

By the way, the picture above is from the Merced Sun-Star, our hometown paper. You can read their description of the event here.

Oh, and the governor's coming today. I'm skipping it. I'm tired.