You know the toys that you wind up or turn on, and then they go until they hit a wall, and then they bounce off and go look for another wall?
I've just found a wall. Turns out it's a little jarring when you hit those things.
I'll admit I've never particularly enjoyed criticism, even the constructive kind. Ask my dad, who was also my long-suffering piano teacher for many a year (and tear). Today's poke made me feel a little like I was having an out of body experience.
My boss, a kind and good lady, ever so gently told me that I need to just take a few days off. In a kinder way than I can restate it well, she said I am neither reliable nor consistent right now. She's also cracking the heck down on my schedule, with which I have taken liberties this year.
I think she might be overreacting a little, because you know, most of the time I do just fine with my loose schedule - 8:45-9 AM to 5-5:20 PM, no lunch break most days. It seems like plenty of work time to me. But she wants me here 8 to 5. Maybe that is what I get for pushing it too far in the last month with K here and childcare issues, and especially in the last week with my total grieving distracted fog.
I just wish she had acknowledged that the only reason I was here at all this week is because she wasn't, and I thought we should at least have a warm body in the office, and we had a big emergency drill yesterday we had to get ready for and help run. That part seems unfair. I feel like right now I should certainly get credit for showing up.
Maybe it's more like I'm a horse who's just found the limit of my reins. How unfortunate that I hit it going so dang fast.