Tuesday, June 05, 2007

No rug

It's pulled out from under me today and I'm sort of flat on my back on a very hard floor.

I have a group of Internet friends. I know how nerdy this is; whatever. The thing is that we have known each other so long they are really just my friends now.

We lost one last night. She'd been depressed, hospitalized, released mistakenly before she took her life. She left three amazingly gorgeous, much-longed-for children and a very wonderful husband. It is so wrong, so wrong, so wrong.

I've met most of the girls G calls my "imaginary friends." Not this one; she lived in Australia. But I've walked with her through infertility and friendship and humor and sadness. She loved her family. She was so funny. She had the guts to shave her head for a good cause.

I sent her a little package when she was in the hospital. It seems so pathetic now, so ineffectual.

I didn't know, until now, I could mourn a friend I've never seen.

11 comments:

Tammy said...

Oh Ana... I am so very sorry for your loss. What a tragedy... I don't know the story but things like this never make sense to me. I am just so sorry.

I can totally relate with the almost "wierdness" that some see of how much I care for friends I've met online. But the thing is... sometimes they're the only ones who "get" it and they're the only ones who know everything. At least for me.

Please know you are in my thoughts, my imaginary friend...

A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne/2rosebud said...

(Sorry--I deleted my post above because I used the wrong username.)

Oh Ana...I'm so sorry. I was so shocked when I read about it on the board I frequent. I had no idea that it had gotten this bad.

She's a sweet, sweet person and I remember struggling with infertility with her as well.

Yes, it's very possible to mourn and miss someone you've never met in real life. You can forge a bond and a friendship on the internet as well as in person.

((((HUGS))))) for you, and prayers for her dear, sweet family.

Essy said...

I'm so sorry, Ana. HUGS.

SalGal said...

I'm sorry Banana. I'm really, really sorry. (((hugs)))

Kari said...

Who knew it could hurt so bad.

just me said...

anna -

that package meant so much to kylie. she talked about it often to me - how special she felt when she received it. thank you for thinking of her. i miss her too.

Ana said...

Thank you for telling me that, Jannet. I did not really expect to hear from her but it helps a lot to know that she got it and liked it. I guess we all did things that we hoped would make more of a difference, and it is really hard to acknowledge that it was just beyond our power.

You were such a blessing to her, my dear.

LisaAnniePants said...

I feel the same Ana. I havne't stopped crying, it is all so sad.

Kate said...

I will miss her too Ana... it is hard to believe that it can hurt so much.

Love, Kate

Amber said...

I'm really very sorry, Ana. So sorry.