It's pulled out from under me today and I'm sort of flat on my back on a very hard floor.
I have a group of Internet friends. I know how nerdy this is; whatever. The thing is that we have known each other so long they are really just my friends now.
We lost one last night. She'd been depressed, hospitalized, released mistakenly before she took her life. She left three amazingly gorgeous, much-longed-for children and a very wonderful husband. It is so wrong, so wrong, so wrong.
I've met most of the girls G calls my "imaginary friends." Not this one; she lived in Australia. But I've walked with her through infertility and friendship and humor and sadness. She loved her family. She was so funny. She had the guts to shave her head for a good cause.
I sent her a little package when she was in the hospital. It seems so pathetic now, so ineffectual.
I didn't know, until now, I could mourn a friend I've never seen.