Q&A on foster adopt

Today we took baby Z to church. I was not sure if it was doing the right thing. She is only 4 days old and it is cold, flu and RSV season. But we had responsibilities and for heaven's sake, she's 9 pounds. Not exactly fragile.

Plus I figured since I got a plastic Christmas tree I might as well go ahead and betray all my principles and get myself a baby bucket. So she just spent the whole time in the baby bucket. And I spend the whole time answering people's questions. I thought you, loyal readers (ha) might like the same information.

Any baby who is born testing positive for drugs or alcohol is immediately detained by the county child welfare agency and placed in foster care upon discharge from the hospital. And thank you, blog readers, for not asking THAT question which is the ONE I am most sick of. There is no good way to answer it without either violating Z's privacy or lying. I have taken to saying, "They don't take these babies away for no reason," an answer with which I am still unsatisfied. I can't stand the labels that come from that -- drug baby, crack baby, meth baby.

Within three working days there must be a court hearing to determine whether the county will bypass services for the birthmom. Well, really just the mom since she is still legally the mother. If they bypass services that pretty much means the mom has lost her chance. This happens most frequently when the birthmom has already lost custody of another child or children or has had other babies born "pos tox." Z's mom has lost four older children, to their father (not the same father as Z's). It is horrible, actually. Meth is Satan, I think.

If they offer services to the mom then she will usually have between 3 and 6 months to clean up her act. Technically. Which, sadly enough, is pretty hard to do if you are already so addicted that you are doing meth within days before giving birth. I am fully aware that there is a sick mother here who is losing children because of a behavior that has become an illness she cannot control. I don't know if I believe she deserves to lose them. But I certainly do not believe Z deserves a meth mommy, and I am skeptical about her ability to get clean now if she couldn't do it when she was pregnant.

Where it gets complicated is if there is an extended family member or a father who comes forward and wants to take the child. So far they do not know of anybody but that doesn't mean they aren't out there. The putative father is incarcerated so at least we know he's not taking custody of any babies anytime soon.

Next most common question: "What nationality is she?" Uh, American. But if you were asking about ethnicity, Z is half white, half Hispanic, we think. It is a little funny, because we have always said we are just sticking with white and black, we aren't trying to become a rainbow family, but you know, never say never I guess.

Another question: what am I doing about work? I have a maternity leave plan in place. Currently I am off until after Tuesday's court hearing. At that point I will arrange childcare if the court decides to work toward reunification with the mom, or take 6 weeks off if it looks like it is moving toward adoption.

But, we have to remember, we may not have answers for a long time. Our friends Steve and Susie started this process about three years ago, and they just finally finalized their adoption of their little boy before they moved to Utah last spring. There was a lot of heartbreaking back and forth during that time with an aunt who was trying to gain custody. But there was a happy ending in a sealing room of the Fresno temple, and we got to be there. I'm keeping that day in my mind.

In spite of the daylong Q&A, I am glad we took Z to church. We now have an entire ward in love with her and praying for the outcome we want in Tuesday's court hearing where they will decide whether to bypass services for Z's mom. If any of my blog friends would like to join us with prayers and positive thoughts, I would appreciate it a lot.