Sunday, February 22, 2009

Prone


We had quite a weekend. If I didn't know better I would swear we somehow got a houseful of malevolent sprites causing things to go wrong (and I don't mean the kids).

Saturday morning I left for my walk about 8 a.m. The big boys were in the tub. They'd run out the hot water and asked Dr. G-to-be to heat some on the stove for them. He was doing this because he is a nice dad. He got it a little too hot ... and he also spilled it on himself on the way into the bathroom. He ended up with a nice salmon-colored burn in the shape of an artist's palette about 4 inches in diameter on his belly. He still managed on his own until I returned, clueless, an hour and a half later. Poor G! He iced it all day and it's much better now. No blisters or anything.

I made chicken nuggets for lunch. I'm telling you, it's gourmet. They were even shaped like dinosaurs. I bet you can't imagine how I managed that. Well, I set the pan on the table with kids gathered all around - and G was there, too - and went to get the ketchup or something. Next thing I knew I heard a two-year-old wail. Z had grazed her wrist against the hot pan. Oh, I felt like a loser! Poor baby! She did get a little blister.

Then, here is the crowning moment: Late in the afternoon I decided I should squeeze in a little bathroom cleaning before heading to the evening session of Stake Conference. (I had been graciously told I should run away for a while. The kids have been off school all week and I've built up a good bit of crazy.) After getting the fixtures all shiny I remembered I have been meaning to wipe the dead ants down off the ceiling where they were left after being repelled in their last invasion by G and a can of Raid. We won't say how long ago this was. 

So there I was, standing on a chair inside the shower. Can you see this coming? If you checked my Facebook yesterday you already know the ending. I will tell you the story anyway.

I felt the chair slip. I thought I could shift my center of gravity. I failed. I felt myself beginning to fall. I started to scream. I landed on Z's Dora the Explorer potty chair, shattering the plastic and making a well-defined print on my behiney. I lay prone on the floor crying for a few minutes. I thought my tailbone might be broken, which would be horrible but also karmically just, given the number of years I have spent laughing about a middle-school teacher named Mr. Butz who sat on a table, which broke, sending him to the floor and breaking (yes, really) his tailbone.

My family asked me if I was ok. I was too mad and hurt to talk. Sometimes I tend to lose power of speech when I am overwhelmed. They were baffled. Eventually I determined that I was ok, and I got up and cleaned up the shattered red plastic potty. I got dressed and even did my hair with a straightener for stake conference. I think I needed extra self-assurance after this debacle. After the meeting I checked my bruise, and I have to say it is awesome, but I will not be posting pictures.

There is actually a song about me and my accident-proneness written by a famous songwriter. I worked as a cafeteria line server - burning my arms all the time on hot pans - in the Morris Center at BYU with Cherie Call, whom you can see on any number of Time Out for Women dates and stuff. I find her really quite good, and not just because she penned the following for me (sung to the tune of "Walk on the Ocean" by Toad the Wet Sprocket):

Walk on the lotion
Slip on the stone
Fall in the water
Accident prone!

I am ready for Monday in so many ways.

5 comments:

Tamara said...

Karmically. I love that word. Can I borrow it sometime? That TTWS song brings back memories. Good ones. :) I like Sis. Call's rewording of it. LOL! I'm so sorry it fits you and yours at the moment. I've climbed up a stepladder set up in the bathtub (wiping dead spiders and fruit flies sucked dry by the previously living spiders off the ceiling) and remember thinking as I was doing it that it was likely a very foolish thing to do. Karmically, I was in a better position than you, however. When my friend slipped on ice and broke her tailbone, I did not laugh. *whew*

Molly Jae said...

Oh Ana, that you could even post this story made me laugh, but it also made me cry for your poor bottom. I wonder what I should do as your VT, perhaps a hemorrhoid pillow, some Tiger balm, a whoopie cushion? I'd better be careful or I'll eat my own words.....

Ana said...

Heh, I am ok now, thankfully! No relief required from the society!

Thanks for commenting, you two ... I was worrying that this post just made everybody too uncomfortable to even respond! I do find it funny, though!

Valerie said...

I'm right there with you, Ana. I recently gave myself a fairly significant burn while making spaghetti sauce (the sauce splatted on me, and when I wiped it off the skin just rolled back like a window shade). I also fell on some ice, and I also ended up with a bruise on my rear end.

alyddall said...

oh I feel for you! We had the sort of week that made me wish to have a blog to write about it on. All within monday to friday, we had one kid get glasses, one get a root canal and a crown (silver colored), and the baby get 3 stitches. All firsts for our family. It makes me appreciate "normal" time more. Hope you guys are all healed now.