Thursday, January 20, 2011

Breakup letter

Dear Sugar,

We've been together a long time. My mom says you may have honed in on me even before I was born. We've had some great times and been to some great places. I've met you in pies and cookies and lately, some really fabulous handmade caramels.

Here's the thing, though. It's been almost 37 years and I've realized that no matter how much I'm into you, you're never going to love me back. I don't say this to hurt you - not that I think you'd care if I did - but I'm thinking that makes you a bad boyfriend. You might not be doing it on purpose, but you've been hurting me.

You're making me fat, honestly, and ashamed of myself. After I hang out with you I have a harder time being nice to the people who do love me back. Recently I found out that all this time you've been cutting me up inside, literally, scraping my artery walls so it's easier for plaque to hang out there. Dude, that's gross. Everybody knows you're not good for my teeth. You wear me down and make it easier for me to get sick. Also, I can't prove it, but I think the adult acne might be your fault.

So I think this means I'm breaking up with you. I know you'll be all cool about it and say "let's be friends" and stuff, but I just can't. At least not until I'm over you, and that might take a while. Maybe like a year.  So I'm not going to be seeing you anymore for at least that long. Period. I may occasionally get together with your cousins Agave and Honey, in a cup of tea or on a pancake or something. And you know I cannot quit hanging with that gorgeous natural beauty, Fructose. But you, I have to let go.

If you see me in a dark chocolate bar every now and then, just turn the other way. I will not acknowledge you. I'm just there for the antioxidants.

Buh-bye,
Ana

8 comments:

A. Rogers photo said...

Thanks for the laugh! You rock with words!

Julie P said...

fabulous. and I'm kind of envious - I couldn't do it!

Ana said...

Thanks, guys. I am probably going to need a cheerleading squad to do this. I have a real problem with sweets!!

krista said...

I broke up with sugar after being sick for most of 2009 last year. I won't kid you, the first few months were hard. Plus I loved the strange looks from people when I told them I didn't want cake, candy, soda, (fill in the blank) or whatever other sugar-laden treat they wanted to offer me. But now that I am a recovering sugar addict, I have to say I feel better than I have in years. Plus, the fact I was able to drop 10-15 lbs helped, too!

D said...

I have friends who have done this and they lost tons of weight. Be strong. You can do it.

Tammy said...

You are amazing. I don't think that I could do it! I love your letter!

MollyJae said...

Go For It!!! I'm cheering for you!

Carolyn said...

I love the letter. I've been feeling like I need to do the same, but I'm not sure I have the strength yet.