watch out for mama

Chieko on Christ

2012-01-15T15:29:00.003-07:00

Chieko Okazaki was a leader in the Relief Society, which is the women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She died in 2011. These are her words on Jesus Christ:

"We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. Its our faith that he experienced everything - absolutely everything. Sometimes we dont think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we dont experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

"Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, 'And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.' (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet, empty apartment, where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that.

"He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people dont need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief."

- Chieko Okazaki

Montana love, January edition

2012-01-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I did a little Things I Will Miss post before I left California, and I did a Reasons I Love My New Home post after we'd been here a while. More surprising may be that I am still pretty happy here in the dead of winter.

I love ...

Sunshine on fresh snow
Clear air
Footprints
Gas fireplaces (all fireplaces actually)
Wool socks
BOGS
Starry sky
Rosy-cheeked, red-nosed little kids
Flannel sheets
Cautious drivers
Cozy crocheted hats
White Christmas
Sledding
Silvery-looking snowy pines on the mountainsides
Hot cocoa
Herbal tea
Bad-weather camaraderie and community spirit
45 degrees and you feel like abandoning your jacket
The walk and driveway all shoveled
The cry of one bird in winter silence

I will alert you now, there will be no post similar to this one in April or May when it is still snowing.

2011 in Review

2012-01-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

Lucy answered these questions. I thought it would be a useful exercise for me. I'm not really sad to leave 2011 behind. But this helped me remember some good things and brought to light some things I can really learn from. So that's good.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you've never done before?

Was admitted to a hospital. Went to Legoland.

Took the dog with us on a major vacation. Worked through some major woes in the marriage. Sent my youngest child to preschool and had a couple of hours off in the middle of each day.

Went camping without my husband, with the kids - twice (crazy).

Mothered a middle-schooler.

Bought a refrigerator. Planned a ward Christmas party.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

The only resolution I made was to do my best and let the rest go. I think I did all right, especially considering the stressors that came up this year. I feel significantly less stressed and worried than I did at the end of 2010.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Lots of friends and acquaintances had new babies, but no one I would call super close - no sisters, in-laws or besties. For me this is a mercy. We'll just leave that there for now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, but I probably went to more funerals than I ever have before, because of my calling in Relief Society.

And I began to consider that some people I love very dearly may not be with us forever, after all. I tried to spend a little more time with them - not easy because of distance, but I did try. I hope when they go I will not look back with regret. And I hope it's not soon.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just my own. Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada and California were my entire range for the year. Why mess with the best?

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A decent cell phone. I keep putting this off, because the expense is daunting. But my three-year-old pay-as-you-go phone, whose service provider does not exist in Montana, is becoming a significant problem.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

August 21, 2011. My husband turned 40 and my oldest son was ordained a deacon.

8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year?

Coming to the decision that I am no longer doing things because I am told to or because I am supposed to or expected to. I am only doing things that I feel in my heart are right, things that really uplift me and my family. 37 is kind of old to turn the lights on for this. Better late than never. And while it may not change the appearance of my life a lot, it changes my inner landscape completely.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Continued inconsistency with the things I know are most important - spiritual practice, kindness to others, physical fitness and dietary discipline.

10. Did you suffer injury or illness?

Kidney stone at the end of January; I had surgery to remove it. Quit colas in hopes of avoiding recurrence, and so far, so good. Massive cold and ear infection while in California in July. Ever had a grapefruit in your ear? Me neither, but I thought I did. G had a hernia repaired and was also quite sick while we were away. A had pneumonia.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

BOGS boots. Warm, waterproof and cute. I live in a cold place, and warm feet make all the difference.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine and Dr. G's. Not that we were perfect. We disagreed and agonized and argued and misunderstood and talked and cried more this year than we ever have before. But what I will celebrate is that we are still here, together. We are stronger than we have ever been. We understand our vulnerabilities and our strengths better than before. If we can get through the poo-swamp that was 2011, we can do anything.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Too close to home. This mommy gig is no picnic. I am in no way ready for the teenage years.

14. Where did most of your money go?

The really most went to our mortgage. After that, probably medical and therapy expenses.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to California for a whole month to hang out with Sally and see old friends and go to the beach.

It turns out it was maybe a little too long, and much, much more expensive than we planned, but still, we're glad we went.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"Someone Like You," by Adele, for all the times I listened to it and bawled. Its peak of popularity came at an emotionally inconvenient time for me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?

a) It's never that simple. Wiser, more peaceful, more realistic. b) Despite my intentions, same. At least my clothes fit. c) Thanks to therapy and surgery, poorer. But not without prospects for improvement.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Family fun days and time outside. Creative writing. Gardening.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Facebook games. OCD list-making. Staying up too late. Making up crazy stuff in my head. Spending money on things that don't really help. Wishing for a life that I don't have.

20. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Maybe with wool socks. Or Pinterest. Not meaning to make light of the question, but really, I have been married for 18 years and have four children. I love all these crazies a lot already. If I fall any further I will be lost.

Here is one I am really in love with. When my older two were his age I thought they were big and gangly and sort of losing their little-kid cuteness. Not my K. He is always pinch-the-cheeks cute to me.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Dr. Who. I also discovered a show where Elvis Costello interviews musicians and other celebrities about music, and it's pretty much brilliant.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Thankfully free from hate. There is a neighborhood bully who I kind of wish would move away or something, but he's left off bothering my children and I don't feel like I hate him. Poor kid.

23. What was the best book you read?

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson. On the Blue Comet by Rosemary Wells (out loud to the kids).

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I think I'm too old for discoveries. I like my tried and true favorites. Except, like everyone else in any English-speaking country, I became obsessed with Adele.

25. What did you want and get?

The refrigerator. The month in California. The quilt from my mother-in-law (fabulous!)

A flat-screen TV (wonderful surprise from my parents). Steady writing and editing work. Some nifty vintage stuff for my living room, especially the fabulous turquoise-and-gold lamp with the inverted drum shade. Totally '50s and in pristine condition. Thanks, Dr. G!

26. What did you want and not get?

Perfect health. I know, it's a lot to ask, and I should be grateful for what we have. But I'm a little weary of all our minor complaints. And now that I have said that I feel like a jerk. While I am at it, I also want my kitchen remodeled. Magically, and for free.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hm. Crazy Stupid Love was a really fun girls' night out. Harry Potter 7.2 was pretty satisfying. But The Muppets takes the cake. (Also, I don't really feel like I see films. I just go to the movies like most other Americans.)

28. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

Cared for a kid with pneumonia while my husband traveled out of town. I turned 37. It was pretty much a stinker of a birthday. But G made it up to me when he came home with an amazing dinner out at the place that has become my absolute favorite restaurant in town, the Uptown Cafe. I had scallops. Love me some scallops.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I'm thinking maybe a punching bag.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept for 2011?

Trying a Little Harder Than I Sometimes Have in the Past. Often With Scarves and Boots.

31. What kept you sane?

Kept? Sane? Two faulty presumptions there already. Really, probably the support of a few key friends. Also, chocolate, and alternating doses of Vitamin Water and SoBe Lifewater (the kinds with caffeine in them, because I had to quit colas, as I mentioned above). And the occasional triumphant feeling of posting something really clever on Facebook.

Twenty Christmases together

2011-12-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

1992: Arrived home from BYU late on Christmas night. Met at the airport by my family and the recently returned missionary I hadn't seen since August 1990.
1993: Married to that returned missionary, spent Christmas in Logan with my grandparents and other extended family. New husband promptly contracted chicken pox from my two little polka-dotted cousins.
1994: Our first Christmas tree. I made ornaments out of salt dough and paper. My parents had moved to Salt Lake and we spent time with them in the condo where they were staying until they found the home they now live in.
1995: We lived in Wymount Terrace. G gave me two zebra finches, whom we named Kirk (the chubby one) and Picard (the thin, cerebral one).
1996: We visited Fairbanks for Christmas. I mainly remember his parents' dog as a hyperactive young thing, massive quantities of chocolate, and long, snowy walks and drives in the dark of Alaskan winter.
1997: Arizona with G's family for Christmas. I got a beautiful brown velvet formal dress (still in my closet) and G's grandma said to me, "Where on earth are you going to wear that?"
1998: We spent Christmas in Colorado with more Shaws and experienced Pearl Street in Boulder as well as the Infamous Chinese Restaurant Centripetal Force Incident. (Think lazy susan.) I took care of a couple of adorable little nephews and some lights in my head turned on regarding adoption.
1999: We lived in Minnesota with our four-month-old son, who loved the lights on the tree and would coo at them excitedly. We realized the guy G was working with in pursuit of a Ph.D. was an A-1 jerk and packed up and headed back to Utah.
2000: First Christmas in our little pink house, a condo in Salt Lake City. After Christmas, we spent a few nights in a cabin in Escalante with my family, then visited G's extended family in Arizona.
2001: We received a Christmas basket from our ward, which kind of perplexed us. I think it might have been because someone asked me about the costs of our two adoptions, I told them the honest answer, and they were flabbergasted, probably wondering how we could even afford to eat after spending that kind of money.
2002: G's grandpa passed away in Arizona on Christmas Eve. We made a really insane trip down there for the funeral with two very small boys.
2003: First Christmas in California, where G was again pursuing a Ph.D. We spent that whole December raking up yellow leaves from two huge mulberry trees and feeling a little homesick for snow country. G was struggling as the only sort-of grad student at UC Merced, which was so new he couldn't even be enrolled yet . Friends generously paid me $50 to sing at a Christmas party for their employees. We were pretty much desperately poor and needed every drop we could get.
2004: I made UC Merced gingerbread men and excitedly gave gifts to my new co-workers. And had that embarrassing incident wishing my Jewish colleague a Merry Christmas. I also had daycare woes. G finally had some other grad students to keep him company.
2005: S came up with some excellent Yuletide Funnies. I made a failure of pumpkin fudge, thereafter known as pumpkin sludge.
2006: We got an artificial tree for the first time ever. Canceled an Arizona trip because we had a four-week old foster daughter who needed a court order to travel out of state. She played Baby Jesus in the family Nativity play. Joy.
2007: We got a Wii and respiratory flu. The furnace broke and made us glad, momentarily, to be renters. We got the news that the county was going to try to take Z to an illegal extended-family placement after more than a year in our family. We were delighted by the recent verbal explosion of K, age 3, who had joined us in June of that year.
2008: We still had four children, and after months in court we had a lot fewer worries. I enjoyed being back home with my kids after four years working for UC Merced. G and I started working on applying for jobs for him as a Ph.D. Z really enjoyed a cinnamon roll.
2009: After the stress and chaos of our move to Montana, I almost didn't find my Christmas mojo in time for the big day. But we strung some lights and unpacked the decorations and rejoiced in being in our own home with a new job and four children all officially ours.
2010: A beautiful and sacred Christmas at home. We'd had some tough things happen in the fall, but the upside of that is that our hearts were humble and open. I coordinated a donation for the homeless shelter from the church. G completed his first semester as a professor.
2011: I planned a ward Christmas party, posted a Christmas song a day on Facebook, changed our gift focus from toys to family activities (snowshoes!), and made sugar cookies with my daughter for the first time.

It's been twenty years since I spent a Christmas without the delightful, surprising, smart, hardworking, wonderful guy I love, the man I now call Dr. G. I hope I never have to. We have been up and down the roller coaster, for sure, but this Christmas I would say we are better than ever. We have a wild little family. We have stuff to work on. But we can do it. Bring on 2012.

Candlelit

2011-12-24T21:18:00.001-07:00

And one flash-lit. Have a wonderful holiday.

Why you might hear me say "Happy Holidays"

2011-12-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

I am all about the Christ in Christmas. Nativity scenes, stories, songs, the family Nativity play, the church service. I believe Christ is the son of God and in his love for us chose to visit our world by experiencing life as we live it, starting as an infant in the most humble circumstances. Conceived before his mother's marriage, carried in what we must assume was some shame, born in a stable and laid in a bed of straw. Then visited by rich and poor alike, recognized however momentarily as the promised Messiah, heralded by angels and a star in the sky. This is Christmas to me, and it moves me beyond description.

If I already know you have feelings about Christmas similar to mine, I will sure as shooting tell you, "Merry Christmas." Absolutely.

Otherwise, I find "Happy Holidays" to be a beautiful wish to give a friend, and I'll say that to you, instead. Here's why.

When I first started working in my university job seven years ago, I was so excited for Christmas. Well, that's not different from any other year. Anyway, as I left the office before we closed for the holiday, I bid a friend and co-worker farewell with my traditional "Merry Christmas" greeting. Gently she put her hand on my arm, and with a smile, said, "I'm Jewish."

Now, I know the bare bones of Jewish history and I'm also pretty well aware that in the culture I live in, even being a non-mainstream Christian puts me in a position of privilege. And although I never meant to exclude or insult anyone by sharing my Christmas cheer, I did give a greeting that emphasized difference rather than similarity, a vision that was not considerate and probably not appropriate for the workplace, at least with a colleague I did not yet know well. I felt like a jerk.

I don't really like feeling like a jerk. It's not fun. So sometimes now I don't use the holiday season as a chance to tell people I'm a Christian. While I am far from ashamed of my faith, sometimes that's not the way to build friendships and show respect for others.

So, Happy Holidays to you all. I hope they shine, and I hope they offer you closeness with friends old and new, friends who share your faith and friends who differ. I think Jesus would approve.

Making Christmas

2011-12-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

After the ward party, I kind of feel like I've already done Christmas and want to lie around in my pajamas and play Scrabble-clone games on the computer. It's not going to work.

There are three sick kids in the house. The Christmas cold is a severely under-reported holiday tradition. We eat sugar, we stay up late, we mingle with people, we get sick. It makes perfect sense, actually.

Although my shopping is done, I still have a package to send and lots of wrapping and baking to do. Those are fun jobs, and when I find my energy I'm sure I'll accomplish them, no problem.

I seem to have misplaced a large stack of addressed, stamped Christmas cards. Dear friends, you might get your card a little late this year. I suspect they might be at the church where I was frantically covering cakes with whipped cream on Friday afternoon.

We have three different Christmas programs to attend this week - one at the preschool, one at the elementary school, and one for the Young Musicians' Club where A plays guitar. Fa la la!

Do you ever wonder what would happen to holidays if the mom didn't do the work? Sometimes I do. Not complaining. Just trying to find my motivation.

Ward party plans

2011-12-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

Through a convoluted series of events, I ended up planning the ward Christmas party that took place last night. Twice. Thankfully I had to execute only one of these plans, the second one and with lots and lots of help. The first one was vetoed by people who, I think, weren't too sure the food would be satisfying. Whatever, I am not going to get all offended by that. I still think it was an awesome plan, so I'm going to post both here fore the benefit of others who may be looking for ideas. I found a dearth of simple, doable ideas when I was searching online, and you know, I always like to share my outstanding ideas.

Ward Christmas Party Plan 1: All On a Christmas Morning

Decor: stock Christmas items (garland, poinsettias) from closet; plastic tablecloths; red and green balloons in a row lengthwise down the center of each rectangular table. Each balloon has candy inside and is tied to a wooden skewer to avoid having to use helium. Skewers are anchored in long boards from quilt frames or other drilled boards placed under the plastic-sheeting tablecloths.

Food: Breakfast for dinner - cinnamon rolls made by YW; breakfast casseroles made by RS; fruit salad; juice and milk; hot cocoa bar with marshmallows and candy canes

Activities: Devotional from bishop, followed by food. After eating, children get to pop the balloons and keep the candy. Ward members may choose to come in pajamas and participate in a PJ fashion show. Prizes awarded for best adult, best teen, best child, and best family PJs. Carol singing with pre-designated leader and pianist. Visit from Santa Claus in foyer with photographer on hand.

Ward Christmas Party Plan 2: Together at Christmas

Decor: stock Christmas items (garland, poinsettias) from closet; plastic tablecloths; artificial tree; runner for serving table only. One poinsettia on each dining table.

Food: Prime rib with jus and horseradish cream sauce (cooked by culinary wizard ward member); garlic mashed potatoes and raspberry-pretzel jello salad (prepared by RS members from distributed recipes); green beans cooked from frozen in church kitchen. Candy-cane cakes prepared by RS presidency (purchased angel food cakes covered with whipped cream and crushed candy canes).

Activities: Devotional from bishop, followed by dinner. After eating, slide show of ward activities from the year just passed, with Christmas music. Then, decorating graham-cracker gingerbread houses pre-assembled (this could be done by the Primary, but in our case was done by the RS presidency). We made 25 graham cracker houses to be decorated by about 125 people. Families and friends worked in teams. As this winds down, start carol singing with pre-designated leader and pianist. Focus on kids' favorite Christmas songs - often the secular ones they learn in school, because this is about fun! Visit from Santa Claus in foyer with photographer on hand.

Friends' Christmas book picks

2011-12-07T21:01:00.001-07:00

I asked on Facebook yesterday for some of my friends' favorite books for Christmas for kids. I got great suggestions. I am already having trouble holding myself back ... curse Amazon and my credit card on file, right?

My early-childhood next-door neighbor Lisa, with whom I swung on swings, planned a future marriage to a boy named Spencer (it didn't work out) and made murderous plots during my preschool years, presented the greatest mystery. On Facebook she wrote, "I wish I could find this book again...we checked it out when Alex was little but maybe you will know...there is a Wombat that wants to be in the nativity but he just isn't right for any of the parts."

I'm pretty sure the book Lisa wants is Wombat Divine by Mem Fox. I don't have it and haven't read it. But I like Mem Fox lots, and now I want Wombat Divine. Add it to my wish list.

Jennifer, a friend from G's Master's program days at the University of Utah, suggests Santa Calls by William Joyce. Again, I'm thrilled to find a Christmas book I didn't know about from an author-illustrator I've really enjoyed for years.

My local friend, Havilah, mentioned Red Ranger Came Calling by Berkeley Breathed. Funny Christmas book? I want that.

Pam, the elementary school principal who watched over my S when he was a wild little kindergartener, recommends two books, King of the Stable by Melody Carlson being the first. This looks absolutely beautiful; I'm excited to pick it up.

Pam's second pick is The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey by Susan Wojciechowski. This looks like a really touching story. My list is getting so long here; I think my library is going to have to stand in where my personal budget can't quite make it!

Emily, another buddy from our U of U days, is a big fan of Jan Brett, whose books I remember being around when my youngest siblings were small. She recomends The Mitten, The Trouble With Trolls, and The Night Before Christmas. The illustrations are beautiful, of course, and really evocative of northern places like Montana! I am excited to get these books into our home for my kids. They will be fun!

Anybody else want to make some picks?

Christmas lit for kids

2011-12-06T14:58:00.001-07:00

Because I am a little bit of an information and media junkie all year 'round, I guess it's no surprise that at Christmas some of the things I love most are the music and books and movies and TV specials and ... what else could we fit in there?

I've done posts in the past about Christmas music. And while I am not one to pull it out the day after Halloween (unless I'm in a really sad mood and need a pick-me-up that badly) I listen to Christmas solid from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day. That's not changing.

But I've never written about this other Christmas thing that is absolutely vital for me: kids' books. I have a growing stack of kids' Christmas books. They come out with the decorations and litter the living room for the entire season. The kids really read them, I think because it feels so special to have some different books for just a few weeks out of the year. And it's always special to snuggle up by a lighted tree or a cozy fire to read a story together.

Here are a few favorites. I make no claim that it's a comprehensive list, or anything.

The Nativity by Francesca Crespi is a beautiful pop-up book. I don't normally buy pop-ups, because you can imagine what happens to them in a household like mine. Destroyed! But this one survives, probably because it's only out for a limited time. And it's worth having; it's just lovely. The illustrations are reminiscent of eastern European religious icons, with gold accents and simple, strategic moving parts, and the story of Christ's birth is sweetly told.

Welcome Comfort by Patricia Polacco is a guaranteed heart-warmer. A child who is bullied at school becomes friends with the school janitor, and gains insights into Christmas spirit that are absolutely unparalleled. Anything by Polacco is worth adding to your library, but this is one of my absolute favorites.

Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck can't be beat! The writing shines, and the illustrations by Mark Buehner in this edition draw you in and make you almost feel you've lived the story. It helps, I guess, that the nighttime mountains you see all covered with snow look a little like southwest Montana to me. Oh, and I cry in this story. Without fail. It's a good cry, real, not button-pushing. Beautiful.

Snowmen at Christmas by Caralyn Buehner (more illustrations by Mark Buehner) is pure fun, a peek at how your snowman celebrates when you're not looking. And if you don't already have it, you had probably better add Snowmen at Night to your list, as well.

A Child's Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas. All right, confession. I don't have this book in my hot little hands yet. I just ordered it. But it's way down deep in my soul. This book was the one my dad made us sit through every Christmas Eve before we opened our one present (my family's tradition). I grew up before I realized that it was poetry, not torture. But now it's so full of memories, and I can't wait to bring this edition home this Christmas. I try to add a book a year, and this seems like the perfect choice.

The Polar Express. Come on, do I even need to say anything?

The Nutcracker, as illustrated by the incomparable Maurice Sendak. I cannot imagine a better illustrator to riff on the disturbing fantasia that is this traditional holiday favorite. I've never been a big Nutcracker fan, but I am a huge Sendak fan. And, OK, it's more for me than for the kids.

Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson tells a sweet story about a mouse who learns to make room for the Savior in the little stable he stole from the nativity scene belonging to the family in whose house he lives. Mice are gross, but when they're cartoonish and cute I don't mind them. My kids really enjoy this one.

The Little Match Girl, by Hans Christian Anderson, illustrated by Rachel Isadora. Oh, so sad. Sometimes you need a good cry at Christmas time, don't you? And my kids have been fascinated with it this year. It's given us a good opening to talk about poverty and helping others - so important.

A New Star in Heaven by Val Chadwick Bagley. This is a wonderful hands-on nativity book with a definite Mormon twist. I recommend reading it to one child at a time. If you have a kid on each side, they may be liable to fight over who gets to lift the flaps. Really, I love the way the story is told, and most importantly, the kids love to get involved with the book the way they do in this one.

What are your favorite reads at Christmas time? I'd love to hear!

Blogiversary

2011-11-22T12:51:00.001-07:00

As of tomorrow, I will have had this blog for seven years. Dude, that is a long time. In 2004 blogging was new and trendy and kind of underground, and not a lot of people had blogs. Now everybody has a blog and some people are professional bloggers.

Originally I was going to have this be a group blog of Mormon moms working outside the home. I soon found out that my friends who were in work situations like mine didn't really have time to blog, so the group thing fell by the wayside. I made time because I needed to clear my brain of my mommy stress, food obsessions, religious musings, kid worries, adoption plans, and other stuff to be able to work effectively. It was actually not a bad work strategy.

Two days before Thanksgiving in 2006 we welcomed our first foster baby, little tiny 6-pound Joseph, who only stayed with us for one day. Little did we know that the following week we would meet the baby diva who changed our lives, our Z. (I can't believe she's about to turn 5. I'm getting her zebra-stripes-and-Minnie-Mouse birthday party ready for Monday.) Just seven months later we met our K, who fit right in and caused total chaos and upheaval, somehow both at the same time.

After giving it a year's worth of my best shot, I realized that a full-time job was not going to jive with being a mother of four (particularly in the foster-adopt process and with some kids with special quirks and needs). So it was about three years ago that I quit my job. Since then I have needed the blog less than before, I guess, and that's why it's tapered off some.

But I was just remembering my first post, a Thanksgiving menu and some disjointed wanderings of the mind. Typical!

I don't mean to make it sound like I'm quitting. I'm not quitting. Just reminiscing at the season of my blogiversary.

In that spirit, here's our menu for this year. You can see that since 2004 I have become, if possible, even more obsessed with food.

cheese plate with stilton, brie and Irish cheddar
butternut squash bisque with sage pesto swirl
fruit cup with berries and pomegranate seeds

orange and rosemary roasted turkey
sourdough stuffing
mashed potatoes (I have learned how to make them without such gluey results!)
pan gravy
steamed and buttered brussels sprouts
green salad in the style of Toni's Courtyard Cafe (with fruit, nuts, dried cranberries and balsamic vinaigrette)
broccoli salad (our friends are making this)
roasted yams and pineapple
out-of-this-world rolls
cranberry and ginger ale punch

pumpkin pie
dutch apple pie
chocolate cream pie
carrot pudding with rum hard sauce

eggnog
herbal tea

So, I should get cooking, huh? I'll be in the kitchen, if you want to wish me a happy blogiversary.

Us

2011-11-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

Grate/grace/great

2011-11-15T17:39:00.001-07:00

Last year on Facebook, I wrote something I was grateful for every day for the whole month of November. It was a great thing to do; it opened up my heart and prepared me so well to have a really meaningful and spiritual Christmas season. This year I am pleased to see many friends doing the same thing.

But I haven't been doing it. I don't know if this is a mistake or not. I won't lie to you, the month started out with me struggling to just keep my head above water emotionally and although I still was and still am grateful for the many good things in my life, I didn't really feel like I had the energy to summon up the personal graciousness to declare it every day. I was also having trouble with other people's declarations of "I'm so blessed" and "I'm so grateful," because sometimes it seems like bragging. I've griped about that some, which I know has flummoxed some friends. I know that might not seem like the most mature way to handle a tough spot in your life. But we feel what we feel, and we do what we need to do to get through.

As long as in the meantime we are doing the work we need to do to make life a little better, I think that's ok. Sometimes that just means hanging on until the day looks brighter. Sometimes it means digging deep in your relationships and your approaches to life's problems until you find something you can change. Probably most often it's a little of both.

And that's what's coloring my view of gratitude and grace and graciousness and greatness this Thanksgiving season. I am grateful for forgiveness of my failures to be gentle and kind and understanding when what was really needed from me was so much more than what I gave. I am grateful for the chance to catch up when I have fallen behind. I am grateful for reminders about what's really important. I'm grateful for people who are willing to turn over the rocks and clean out what's underneath with me, and for those who see a need and quietly fill it. I'm grateful for the chances to immerse myself in music or work or exercise or worship during the whole process to allow my mind and heart a little bit of rest. I'm grateful for how words comfort. I'm grateful for how time heals. I'm grateful for blessings I don't deserve.

Life is never going to be all fixed and perfect, that's my conclusion. But there really is an awful lot to thank God for along the way.

In general

2011-11-09T22:07:00.000-07:00

The longer I don't write, the harder it becomes to write. I build up such a backlog of material that I don't know where to start. Or else I get so out of practice that I don't know how.

My sister M2 did a general-purpose update on her blog, which I liked. I didn't know that she was going to Hawaii for Christmas, for example, so I'm glad she blogged it. I had a great trip to Hawaii with my husband when I was exactly her age. It seems like a long time ago, and I guess it pretty much was. We're fifteen years apart but seem to be getting closer as sisters recently. I love it.

Anyway, back on topic. General purpose update. I thought maybe I could go down the line, person by person, Christmas letter style. I'm not sure I'll be writing a Christmas letter this year, anyway. Sometimes it gets hard for me to walk the line between keeping it real and oversharing, and the Christmas letter seems kinda high pressure in a year when things have been a little more real than I'd like at times.

I'll start with myself. I'm riding the frost heaves all right. Lots of up and down. I find I am easily dragged down when my plans are frustrated or when other people are not feeling good. Trying to keep taking care of myself. I think I mostly have the exercise thing down; I know too well how it affects my mood and emotions if I skip. You would never know it to look at me, which is kind of depressing, but I am trying not to be all about how I look, The day the lights go on in my head about controlling what I eat (I seem to have a faulty switch) I will really have it all together. Considering everything going on, some of which I will refrain from writing about (that oversharing thing) I think I am actually doing pretty well.

I am doing a lot of driving these days. Driving to the gym, driving to preschool, driving to drop of somebody's lunch money, driving to guitar lessons. And trying to keep up with people's homework and keep on top of the housework. It is never all done.

I'm editing a big mining textbook that was translated from Spanish. I do not speak Spanish. I speak French, because when I was 13 my mother thought I should take Spanish. So I took French. See how I am? The edit has been hard, and I've made liberal use of Google Translate and moved embarrassingly slowly, but it's also been pretty educational. By the end of the project I predict I will be able to read Spanish pretty passably and also be able to pass about two years of mining engineering courses without too much trouble, should I have the desire. I've finally given myself a deadline and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fortunately the client is my dad and he's almost superhumanly patient. I'm also still writing the occasional story for my former employer, work that is easy and fun. I love it. And I learned from my bishop that the Friend magazine will probably be publishing another one of my stories next June. I don't know which one. I guess they check with the bish before they go too far in the editorial process to make sure their authors haven't gone off the deep end. Probably smart.

I'm stuck on Pinterest and want to do all the cool projects I see there. So many excellent ideas. I try to pick up one every now and then. Often crochet, or upcycling, or something to cook or bake, or an organizing type thing. It always feels good to do work that stays done (as opposed to laundry or dishes).

Dr. G continues to be even more awesome than he thinks he is (haha). He is working so hard at everything and has gigantic expectations for himself. He has gotten a pretty extraordinary amount of research money for a young professor at a small teaching-oriented university and is pursuing a big NASA grant. He just got back from a trip to visit a mining company that is funding one of his projects. They love him, of course. He is in charge of the boys ages 12-18 at church and puts in a tremendous amount of time with them. And he is still committed to quality and quantity time with our kids. They have been fishing and having a great time together. I am sure I don't say it enough but I am pretty much crazy about my husband. He's had a bumpy road himself the last couple of months, managing all this stuff and the stress that comes with it. My wish for him - just that he could understand that nobody's perfect but he is pretty dang close.

S has made great progress since the last time I wrote about him in my "Dumps" post. It really was a rough start to junior high. Since then we have had two meetings with G and me and all S's teachers and counselors together, plus I've gone to parent-teacher conferences. It has been a relief to see the teachers start to understand him, and him start to understand how to work within the system at school. All the teachers say he has done the proverbial 180. He has become significantly less stressed and better behaved. His grades are coming up, and he is in the Rocket Club. He launched his rocket yesterday. It was a huge success, shooting way up into the clouds before landing in the field next to the school. I went to watch it with my littles, and we were all impressed. S has wonderful friends in church and Scouts, something I'm really grateful for. He is happy in that environment and doing well.

A is my rock, which I worry is unfair to say about a child but he really is just the kid I can count on to help out and be good and sweet almost all the time. Everyone loves him, especially little girls, and we seem to see girls he knows everywhere we go. His only struggle is finishing his work in class, because he's just too interested in the people around him. I know I should hate that but I kind of love it. His heart is so good and I know it will serve him well in life. If we can just keep up with the math, too, we'll be golden. He read the book "Holes" for school and really enjoyed that. But he's always reading something; it's getting hard for me to even keep track. Luckily I am a book hound so it would be pretty hard for him to run out of material. Last month he sang a duet with a friend in the Primary program at church. It was absolutely beautiful. I know it is hard for him to live with some non-typical siblings. It stresses him out sometimes. We understand each other in that way! It's easy to forget he's just a kid, but I try to let him know how much I appreciate him.

K is still so stinking cute at age 7. I remember thinking that my older boys were getting kind of big and gangly and less cute (more handsome and of course still lovable) at this age, so how is it that K is still my adorable little guy? I guess that's the advantage of being a younger child and small for his age (his brothers are both on the big side). He is hilarious and delights in that - pretty much a ham. His little rubberface expressions just kill me. He is struggling with his ADHD a little bit right now; it's not affecting his behavior so much as his concentration and attention, especially in the classroom, and so we are looking at adjusting his meds. Very often I finish my dinner, for example, and look over to find he hasn't even taken a bite yet. He's just way too distracted by everything else going on. Good thing he's adorable because this inattentive business is pretty crazy-making. He has a couple of good friends at school and church but really prefers his brothers over all other company. Pretty cute.

Z is really blossoming in preschool. It's amazing to see her so engaged with learning letters and numbers, days and months, and skills like buttoning her own buttons, which she now insists on doing. She loves her teacher and her little friends. Back in September G took a morning off work to teach her how to ride her little bike without training wheels, and she's so proud of that. She's also great about wearing her helmet (yeah!) maybe because we got a cute one with flowers. It's so interesting to me how different she is from me in her tastes and proclivities. For instance, she would choose hot pink and zebra stripes over my preferred earth tones and natural materials any day of the week. So I think we are going to be having a zebra-stripe Minnie Mouse birthday party at the end of this month. I'm amazed that my baby is about to turn five. On the other hand, little girl can sing. I love to hear her singing to herself or her dolls throughout the day. Girl after my own heart.

Heidi the dog still mostly just wants a few things in life: love, cheese, and long walks. Sounds pretty good, right? We've had her a whole year now and although we go through more vacuum bags than before (German Shepherds shed) she is a wonderful addition to our household. Most mellow dog I have ever met. It might be because she's mentally challenged but that's fine by me. A smart dog would probably be more than I could handle.

Montana is getting cold. I am buckling down for the long winter. Maybe with the weather getting crappy and the general-purpose update behind me, I'll write some more for you. We'll see.

Open up

2011-10-17T17:32:00.000-06:00

We have this kind of unusual situation in the ward (church congregation) here. There are a lot of people on the rolls who, as newbies of two years, we don't know. Never met 'em. OK, that's not so unusual. The thing is that here, a stunningly high percentage of these folks are on the far end of elderly. So we tend to have a funeral at the church every couple of weeks for a person we don't know.

I am working in the Relief Society (church women's organization) and also happen to be one of the people in the ward who sings and leads music fairly comfortably. So one way or the other I end up being tapped to help out with a lot of these funerals. Which I don't mind a bit, truly. It is a privilege to do some small thing for people, even strangers, who have lost a dear one, whether it's making brownies or serving food or standing up at the front of the chapel waving my arms around.

And I have some experience being involved with funerals. In California, we cherished our friendship with a couple where the wife was a wonderful singer and the husband was a funeral director. When the wife couldn't be there for a funeral that needed music, I sometimes stepped in with "Ave Maria" or something. For a beloved mother whose funeral was thronged with her family ... or a man who died of AIDS-related causes whose family would not even attend his memorial service. It always gave me cause for thought, compassion, humility.

So, today. I got called to open up the church for the mortuary staff, then lead the music and sing "Be Still, My Soul." All good. The thing was, I was singing almost as much a solo during the hymns with arm-waving as the hymn without. I think I saw one person in the congregation whose mouth was moving. And it was not a small group. This woman's family obviously loved her and remembered her with a lot of humor and affection. But whoa, man, once the organ kicked in, stony-faced silence. They were anti-music or maybe anti-Mormon or something.

And I can roll with that. Sure, it's awkward for the lady in the front with the music stand. But of course it's not about that.

Just, when I kick the bucket someday in the far future, please open up your mouths and sing at my funeral.

Dumps

2011-09-12T18:17:00.000-06:00

I did not sleep well. I have a lot of problems with racing brain syndrome. When I take melatonin I have dreams where I am screaming at people. Usually they are pretty telling dreams and I really cannot deal with that right now.
I have a kid who needs a dosage increase but is already at the maximum dosage for his medication. ADHD parents have some clue what I'm talking about. He is grounded until Wednesday and has detention for the next three days for yelling in the hallway at school. We have already spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on therapy this year. I'm not sure where else to go from this point. I am grateful that he is more functional than some other kids I know. I am not grateful that his issues are invisible and often people (including me) have unreasonable expectations of him. I am confused about what my expectations should be. I am not feeling very confident as a mom lately.
Said kid flooded the basement storage room over the weekend by sticking the backyard hose in the dryer vent pipe. I am grateful that my dryer still works but not grateful to be washing every towel I own today. And I am trying hard not to think about mold.
When I go to class at the Y I am more the speed of the 50-somethings than the other 30-somethings. Any 30-somethings in the same kind of shape as me want to go and start being my class buddy? I'm getting a bad inferiority complex.
Speaking of age, as I approach the next decade my chin has decided it would be fun to start growing whiskers. I called an electrolysis lady. She told me to stop plucking and call her back in a couple of weeks. So now I shave, like a man, and am working myself up to another embarrassing phone call. Did I mention I have telephonophobia anyway?
Montana is smoking. You cannot see the mountains. The air is gray. My throat hurts. My nose is bleeding a couple times a day. I worry a great deal about my two asthmatic kids. I don't even have the energy to worry about the poor firefighters. I am tired of this.
My preschooler still has not started preschool. We pay for the whole month of September but she doesn't get to go until this Thursday. She is so bored when all her brothers are in school and she has no one to bug but me and our slightly mentally challenged but sweet and sainted dog. It is tantrum city around here. All three of us need preschool in a bad way.

I thought I might get to ten reasons why today sucks, but past seven I would be scraping. And when you already have seven things to complain about, why scrape for more?

On the bright side, it's my girls' weekend in Park City this weekend. I hope it's not smoky.

Bite the bullets

2011-09-06T23:04:00.000-06:00

Random thoughts for tonight.

I am not at all pleased about this. (Administrators from our school district are striking for more pay, and our schools are closed as of 6 p.m. today because of course, teachers will not cross picket lines.) I appreciate school principals and know they work hard. The new principal at our neighborhood elementary is particularly impressive, and I wouldn't put him down. I also absolutely believe in collective bargaining rights for public employees. However, I have a hard time seeing principals and other administrators as labor-side rather than management-side. And I think they and the district could have tried harder to come to an agreement before striking. Shame on both sides for not giving just a little more to keep our kids in school. What is it that people in today's world do not understand about "meet in the middle?"
Yes, Washington D.C., I am talking about you, too. I am appalled that the president (whom I support) is criticized by his own party for a simple courtesy like rescheduling a speech to accommodate the other party's presidential primary debate, for example. Seriously? Can't you all just act normal?
Also, how can one principal per school really create a picket line? Wouldn't that be a picket point? And how would you cross it even if you tried?
Pinterest. Trouble on a stick. Just saying.
I understand capes are in fashion this fall. In a fortunate coincidence, I happen to own a vintage navy blue wool cape. (Thank you, Miriam!) What would you wear with a vintage navy blue wool cape? Slim pants (almost an oxymoron for me, rather a big-legged mama) and boots seem to be de rigeur. Are black and navy OK together now? Or do I have an excuse to spring for some brown boots? What answer do you think I want?
Guess how long it took me this morning to fold the laundry after a Scout camping trip in which half my family participated. Go ahead. Give up? Four hours. I need a wife, right?
We have taken up fishing. Rather, Dr. G has taken up fishing and brings with him three willing boys, a reluctant wife with her camera and current novel, and a small daughter who thinks she would like to fish but mostly ends up throwing tantrums. So far: four trips. Two small rainbow trout. We will try to value the family time over the protein. At least they do taste good. I told G there's a reason people call it a fishing expedition when they are undertaking a venture that offers no guarantee of any results at all.
Z rides a bike without training wheels, as of last Friday. It almost breaks my heart. Not that I want a baby, or that I want her to stay a baby, but that she is just not going to be small for very much longer. She is overjoyed.
If these bullet points were peanut butter M&Ms I really would bite them. Even if I hypothetically found them on the floor of the minivan, left over from several weeks ago. Hypothetically.

Summer Into

2011-08-31T15:26:00.000-06:00

It's the last day of August. When I was a teenager in Alaska I wrote a song about how that feels. It wasn't a particularly good song, but I remember it, and I remember trying to capture that feeling. It's ominous, the ending of a northern summer, because you know it's not coming back for a good, long time. But it also gives you new beginnings as an academic year starts, and a lot to look forward to if you like coziness and white Christmases and sleds and firelight.

The temperature has dropped from 90 (we think that's hot in Montana, and give us a break, nobody here has air conditioning!) to 71. Clouds are rolling in as I type. I can't sleep with the window open anymore, lest I feel like I'm camping. That feeling has its place, and it's not in my bedroom.

I am wearing my comfy white cropped cargo pants and yellow block-print-floral t-shirt for probably the last time this year. I've given myself a final self-administered summer pedicure in Snappy Sorbet. (Definitely my favorite color of the summer - coral with a little pearliness to it.) I'm on the lookout for a cute, new fall color to which I can treat myself. Anybody got suggestions? I'm thinking maybe something in the tan-to-taupe range.

Fall seems like the time to curl up with a quilt and a book, like Jo in Little Women. I got a Louise Erdrich book to read. I realized that it was twenty years ago I first met this phenomenal author. I read Tracks in my high school A.P. English class. Twenty years is a long time to love one writer. I still love this one. I'm just about a third of the way through Shadow Tag. So far it is as vivid, complicated and moving as any previous books I've read from Erdrich (a lot of them). It's early for this, but I'd already say you might want to pick it up.

I'm reading more because I'm mostly trying to follow the no-screens-on-weekdays rule I've imposed on the rest of my family. (Folding laundry doesn't count.) That's necessary because the kids are back in school, three days' worth. We've taken the back-to-school snapshots. We even have a filing system for papers. Each school kid got a three-compartment file organizer. I labeled them with names, and then "Keep/File," "Work to Do" and "Return to School." After school we sort each backpack out and do homework. In the morning, they can just grab their completed work and signed papers (so many of those papers for Mom to sign the first week of school!) and go. Under each file organizer will hang a backpack hook. I've bought them, but I haven't put them up yet. I'm also hoping to get a big tray for the boots. But we haven't gotten to boot season yet.

Still, I urgently want some Bogs. They're waterproof, insulated, and super cute. You have your choice of colors. I have seen them worn to church, with a dress. I love it. This is the kind of place where you basically flip off any fashion rules you want, anyway. Almost like in Alaska where Sorels and the symphony go perfectly well together. I have shopped around for the Bogs I want, and Amazon's price is the best one I've seen. Just saying. I have cute boots, thanks to my cute professor, but they are not the kind of boots you want to wear in mud and slush. These boots could handle it. If we get the kind of freeze/thaw this winter that we got last winter, that's going to be pretty important.

The storm has hit now, mostly moved on, given everything a fast drenching in big drops. A few rumbles of thunder have been and gone. The sun's shining on the wet streets as the last drops land on my patio roof. My kids need help with their homework. Here comes fall.

Yellow

2011-08-22T15:04:00.000-06:00

When I was about 10, my mom taught me how to make macaroni and cheese. Not the kind from a box. Homemade, with a white-sauce-based cheese sauce. Not baked. Just soft, creamy, cheesy goodness all the way through.

I strayed for a while. I bought the blue boxes. They seemed cheap and easy. Eventually I realized that while my kids asked for these boxes and thought they liked the resulting goo (known to some as the Yellow Death), they never actually ate it. That's no bargain.

I switched back this summer to the recipe I learned as a kid. I might kick it up a little more than I did 27 years ago. But the idea's the same, and it's always a hit. Today I made it for nine little people. It was gone before I could get a picture.

This is not a diet recipe. All my kids are skinny and need to pork up, in my opinion. You can lighten it by using less butter, lowfat milk, and less or lowfat cheese. If you're using less cheese, try a sharper flavor. Maybe some sharp cheddar or parmesan. My mom made some recently using really good Irish cheddar. It was divine.

Macaroni and Cheese

1 pound dry pasta - any stubby variety will do. Today we used rotelle.

4 tbsp. butter or butterlike substance. Today, Brummel and Brown spread. Even olive oil works, in a pinch.
3-4 tbsp. flour
2 c. milk (skim or 1% is fine; use whole if you really want to fatten up those children so you can eat them later.)
1 c. grated medium cheddar cheese. More or less will still work. Other kinds will also work.

Seasonings to taste:
salt (a pinch is enough; milk and cheese are salty things!)
white pepper (I use about 3 good shakes)
dry mustard (half a teaspoon does me fine)
turmeric (tiny bit, for color only)

Boil pasta in salted water until done. Drain in a colander.

In the same pot over medium heat, melt butter. Add flour and stir to make a paste. Cook about 1 minute to get rid of the floury taste. Add milk. Whisk constantly until smooth and thickened. Stir in cheese and seasonings. Taste and adjust.

Add pasta and stir to coat.

Serve to cute-faced people. Grapes are great on the side and perfectly in season right now, at the end of one fun summer.

Dream

2011-08-10T09:23:00.000-06:00

Last night I dreamed of my friend Mimi, who passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2007. In my dream, I was a middle schooler, and she saved me from a long walk in high heels by giving me a lift in her car. It was Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. She let me drive.

I think I'm going to be happy all day.

Home

2011-08-08T21:54:00.000-06:00

August is a really wonderful time to be in a northern clime. I always got homesick for Fairbanks about this time of year when I lived in hot places. Now that I am in Montana, it's almost like being there. In some ways, possibly even nicer.

The days are warm, but almost never uncomfortable. (Never too hot to bake if you fancy, for example, a banana cake with penuche frosting after you go over to volunteer at the food bank with a bunch of church people and the director is desperately trying to give out black bananas because what food bank director could stand to waste bananas?) It's in the 80s Fahrenheit. Like a perfect May day in California, except with no pollution. The air is as clear as a polished window. Clearer.

A thunderstorm may or may not roll through in the late afternoon or early evening. Big drops splash on the roof of my patio and make a lot of wonderful noise. Afterward I can smell the spruce trees in the backyard mixing with that clean rain smell and it's pretty near heaven. The birds sing up in those trees and I wish I could see them better. My K, who is now 7, says he can see a nest.

Flowers are tumbling gloriously everywhere, from hanging baskets and beds and anyplace people can put them. It's going to be white and gray here for a long time. Like in Alaska, people in Montana know how to enjoy color and scent in summer. My garden is pretty shabby this year because I was gone so long. Just some salvia and sage blossoms and nasturtiums. Petrovskia struggling along and not blooming. But the nasturtiums are only starting to get good and I sure do love them and look forward to them. My strawberry patch is thriving.

Speaking of berries, let's change the topic to cherries. My sweet 90-something across-the-street neighbor, Louise, called me over after I brought the kids back from swimming at the YMCA this afternoon. She gave me a huge bowl of cherries, and they are not just any old cherries. These sweet, burgundy-black beauties are from the Flathead Valley. They are the best I've had since I was a little girl on a ladder, picking cherries from a huge, overgrown tree in the yard of a hundred-year-old house in Ogden where my family lived for a couple of years. The cherries I ate tonight were picked this morning. You can't beat that.

We went for a family hike tonight up Maud S Canyon which is so convenient to town and amazingly beautiful. It has been a wet year and a lot of plants are still green that would be dried out in a normal year, all nestled in around the big boulders on the mountainside. And there are tons of sweet little flowers, thistle and baby's breath and different kinds of clovers and fireweed and cowslip and other things I don't know how to identify yet. It was pretty spectacular, and to top it off we got the most amazing sunset.

We traveled a lot this summer. We had a wonderful time. It is good to be home.

Teaching is giving

2011-08-02T20:35:00.000-06:00

A short story from Grandpa Tom, who taught band for many years in a couple of different high schools in northern Utah and far southeastern Idaho, told in his voice if not his exact words. (My dad and brother have worked to record many of Grandpa's stories on video, but I just had my leaky old brain with me this weekend, no fancy equipment.)

Mostly on band trips things went pretty well. I don't think we ever had a boy and girl get together, that I knew of. Just the worry about it. Sometimes the boys did a little drinking. But usually there was not much trouble.

One time I took a group of kids to Disneyland. A girl came up to me and said, "Mr. N-----, so-and-so needs you." I asked her what for. She said, "She's taken a bottle of perfume and they won't release her until somebody pays a $300 fine in cash."

Well, cash! I never carried cash. But for some reason this time I had put a thousand dollars in my wallet. So I went and paid the fine. Oh, was she glad to see me.

Here I said, "I sure hope her parents paid you back." Grandpa quickly replied.

Oh, they couldn't have. Her dad had been in an accident and was paralyzed from the neck down. He tried to do some substitute teaching, and the kids were good to him, but it was never enough. They couldn't have paid that fine. But I think she learned something.

Returns

2011-07-03T18:47:00.000-06:00

Here I am, returning to Watch Out for Mama after what I think is my longest ever hiatus. Two months. I'm doing this because I've returned to another place, severed from many of my responsibilities and holed up in a cool house on a beyond-hot day in a hot place.

In case you haven't guessed, I am definitely not in Montana at the moment. Although I've heard it's what passes for hot there today - 90 degrees.

I'm here in California. Subletting a furnished house in my six-year hometown while Dr. G does contract work in Fresno, reuniting with old friends, and remembering how it feels to stand under the AC vent and try to suck the coolness into my body when it's 105 degrees outside.

It is kind of surreal. Kind of like I never left. I still turn the wheel of my van around familiar corners very nearly on autopilot. Cruise the aisles of the stores and know where to find things. Pick out my strawberries and baby pattypan squash at the roadside stand and feel a little lifted by the smiles of the cute Hmong teenagers who work there.

We went to our old ward today and hugged and hugged and hugged again, dear people who saw me through the early Watch Out for Mama years when I was so unbelievably overextended and trying to convince myself and prove to the world all the time that I could handle it, really! People who watched my kids when I was working, some on a regular basis and some as backups. Who showed up when I got a new foster baby (remember little one-day Joseph?) or lost one. Visiting teaching contacts who let me sit on their sofas for hours and learn from them, or companions who called and made sure things got done when I didn't have that kind of time anymore, or who averted their eyes from my dusty corners on regular visits and then showed up when I really needed help. Sisters who taught me by their example how to serve - to choose helpers whose strengths compensated for my weaknesses, to sit by a stranger and ask her questions about herself, to go without fear on God's errands.

We have still to visit the campus where I worked. That was also hard to leave. But now there is a brick there with our family name on it - my gift to Dr. G on his graduation. And I do still work with my colleagues there. It's a joy for me to be in touch with them and to keep getting to know the staff and alumni of that school. Does my heart good, every time. This week I get to visit my old haunt in the university's downtown office to interview a new employee there. It should be fun. Just fun. Not too bittersweet, I don't think.

This town was a unique kind of training ground for me. I can't say I implement all its lessons very well sometimes. But I did learn and I am better than I was before I came here. I wonder if I will cry again when I leave. Maybe not. I have a new home and dear friends in Montana now; I won't be leaping into the unknown like I was at the end of 2009. But returning to California has reminded me how dear it is to my heart.

Brain

2011-05-05T19:10:00.000-06:00

S started neurofeedback training in March to help with his ADHD symptoms and some other issues. We’re doing everything we can to help him get ready to go to middle school this fall. It’s a little bit nerve wracking because, well, middle school sucks for most kids. And for a non-typical kid coming from a homeschool environment there will probably be even more challenges. But we feel like it’s time. The district has good professionals who are offering lots of support already. They can do things that truthfully I, untrained in education and child development, probably can’t do. Not to mention, I urgently need a break.

Anyway, neurofeedback. Two sessions each week. This means I have spent a lot of time in the waiting room. Reading more magazines than normal.

Celebrities are not my hobby. I don’t consider myself a gossip hound, but stuck in a row of chairs with nothing to do and given the choice between People and Sports Illustrated, I will choose People every time. I’d never buy it myself, but it does pass the time while S trains his brain.

Same with fluff women’s magazines – Good Housekeeping, Redbook, whatever. I am willingly and easily sucked right in. It is shocking how much I have read lately about ways to have your best body, dress fashionably, decorate my home, wear good makeup and emulate various celebrities.

This may explain why I dreamed about being Kate Middleton on a honeymoon in Alaska and being so thrilled and in love that I had to write all my grievances about social injustice on my hand in ballpoint pen so I would remember to tell my new husband about them instead of just swooning every time I saw him. Or about taking all my kids to see the Breeders in concert at a restaurant where we had great seats, but it turned out that there were a lot more sisters in the band these days, not just Kim and Kelly Deal. And they looked a lot more … Kardashian-like, a la the cover of the May 2011 Redbook.

I know you wanted that peek inside my brain today.

Absence

2011-04-28T18:37:00.000-06:00

One of the benefits of being married to a first-year professor is this: He may come home late, but he comes home, usually. He's so wrapped up in course preparation and academic writing that he doesn't have time to travel, and he's not yet connected enough to have a lot of things to travel to. I see my husband almost every night.

A lot of women I know are not that lucky. It's something I remind myself about when the paycheck barely makes it to the end of the month and I feel a little envy for families whose primary breadwinner's profession of choice took less sacrifice and preparation and/or pays more money. ("Why did I become a professor?" Dr. G asked one day recently. "Well, it wasn't for the money!" replied cranky I.)

But this week he is paying dues with a solid networking-type connection, delivering a talk at the workplace of a grad school buddy. Staying in a hotel and eating in restaurants, working out when he chooses without worrying about childcare, receiving adulation for the work he does, and enjoying some California sunshine. All alone.

I am mothering four children in a Montana springtime; each day we seem to get some sun, some bitter and nasty wind, and some blowsy, non-sticking snow. I am schlepping A, who has pneumonia, to the doctor every day for lung-listening checks and oxygen checks and antibiotics shots. (Thank heavens the doctor is trying to keep him out of the hospital and so far succeeding as he begins to recover.) I am greeting the efficient and smiling women at my favorite pharmacy, yet again. I am administering oxygen and inhalers and nebulizer treatments and prednisone and Zithromax. I am hounding kids to do the dishes. I am breaking up fights. I am worrying about walking the dog and not walking the dog. I am hanging tough through my final few weeks of homeschooling S. I am trying hard to stay on top of parent-teacher communications. I am folding pile after pile after pile of laundry. I am refusing to get anxious about all the crap that certain people have piled up in the yard and certain dogs have piled up in the back. I am preparing to trek to Missoula for neurofeedback tomorrow with not two but three kids in tow, because pneumonia boy is not cleared for school attendance yet. Getting ready to spend my birthday money on gas for the trip, and hoping the van doesn't have any problems, because it is overdue for scheduled maintenance but seriously, when would it be ok for me to have a carless day?

Am I envying the good doctor? Well, duh. Missing the days when I traveled for work and having fond memories of exploring Chicago, Las Vegas, San Antonio, L.A. on my own? Yes.

But unhappy? Surprisingly, not really. Because you know what, I am rocking this. I am actually getting this done. I am not breaking down. Did you hear me? I have not yet lost it!

And I am remembering all the time that if my husband were not so awesome at taking on his share and often more than his share of the work when he is home, I wouldn't notice it so much when he is gone. I am in fact very lucky.

I remember talking in some English-major type class in college about elements that are so glaringly absent - in this case, from a novel - that they become presences in that novel. The absent presence. Maybe that is what I will call Dr. G when he is traveling.

'nStuff

2011-03-30T22:26:00.000-06:00

How long since we had a stuff post? Oh, long. I mean a stuff I have and love post ... not a stuff-I-wish-for post. So. Let's have a stuff I love post. I am doing this fancy Amazon thing now, and I do get paid if you click and buy, but I promise you I will not link any bad deals or any stuff that I don't sincerely love.

Are you using sunscreen? I am trying so hard to be better about this. I live at a high altitude. The air is actually clean. The air is cold. It's easy to get fooled and it's super, super easy to get sunburned. I do not want to have skin cancer, never never never. And I have been burned so much in my life, I know I am already at risk. You need to use sunscreen, too! Every day!

This Neutrogena moisturizer is my favorite sunscreen product for everyday for my face. I used it before I started using Proactiv for my delightful adult acne issues. I am using it again now in addition to the Proactiv routine. Works fine. Is not stinky. Has handy pump dispenser. Cheaper than the (also excellent) Proactiv products that do the same thing.

I still use a Proactiv SPF 30 product when I'm going to be outside all day long, by the way.

Pay attention, this is a two-pack. That makes it as cheap as it is at WalMart. Good deal.

You could not call me a trendy person, really. But I do like to pretend I am keeping up with something somewhat current in my appearance. Very often it is nail polish, because nail polish is cheap and, let's be honest, doesn't care if I need to lose a few pounds.

Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in the color Commander in Chic was my big fancy fashion splurge this winter. Heh.

I keep my toes painted even in winter now. Not what I would have thought would happen now that I live in the land of boots and sweaters and real winter parkas. But I go to class at the YMCA and spread out my yoga toes on the mat and we can't have them looking all gross and toe-ey, now, can we?

So Commander in Chic is gray, but it's sort of this multidimensional gray that changes hues in different light or with different clothing. When you wear brown with it, it looks taupe. When you wear it with brighter colors or pastels, it looks lavender. It's a great, great color.

This polish also has a really great rounded brush that makes it much easier to polish your nails without messing up. Also, price on Amazon about the same as Wal-Mart, so click up.

Who loves perfume? Well, not everyone. But I do. What I love is really sweet perfume, really yummy smelling, usually with some gardenia somewhere in it.

Donna Karan is the lucky winner of my last two favorite-perfume titles. Her scent Gold was so fabulous; sadly for me it was discontinued, which left me using my remaining bottle only for special dates with Dr. G. Ahem.

Then I caught a whiff of Be Delicious. I had a hard time deciding between this version and the pink Fresh Blossom kind. Big surprise, in the end my favorite color won out. I used a Christmas gift card and my mailman brought it right to me! It is sweet and fruity and yummy. Today Z caught a whiff of it and tried to trade me for the water-filled body spray bottle I gave her a few months ago. Nice try, sweetie. And I appreciate that you have great taste. But N to the O.

And this perfume is being made as we speak, so I can wear it every single day except for when I am going to the doctor or a particular visiting teaching lady or to church where I know people are sensitive to it. So I can enjoy smelling myself almost all the time.

Do you remember the one singular thing I rock at as a mother? Hint: It is not speaking softly ... or keeping a clean house!

It is reading to my kids. We just finished Around the World in 100 days by Gary Blackwood, who also wrote The Shakespeare Stealer. He is a good, solid writer of historical novels - great teaching tools and lots of fun.

Around the World follows the adventures of Hari Fogg, son of the famous and fictional Phileas Fogg (how is that for alliteration?) who circumnavigated the globe in 80 days. Hari - more commonly known by his Anglicized name of Harry - does it all (except the oceans) in a steam-powered car with his best friend, a mechanical genius who suffers the effects of a head injury, an intrepid young woman reporter, and the annoying Charles Hardiman, who is the son of Hari's betting nemesis, railroad tycoon Julius Hardiman.

There's lots of great geography to learn. Lots of cultural fun, especially when Hari meets an Indian man who teaches him about that part of his own heritage. Sabotage, disaster and conflict plague them until the gripping finish. Very, very fun read. My A really identified with the dashing and adventurous biracial hero.

Once we finished "Harry," as my kids called the book, we jumped right into On the Blue Comet by Rosemary Wells.

Yes, that Rosemary Wells, Rosemary Wells of Max and Ruby fame, at least around here. Have you seen Zora reading Max's Chocolate Chicken? I can't believe that was a whole year ago. She is still a huge fan of Max and Ruby. Who wouldn't love Max and Ruby?

We are also loving Blue Comet. We just hit the big twist where it turns into more than a Depression-era coming-of-age story. I won't even tell you. Just the characters and the language will be enough to pull you in. You don't even need a twist, but what a great twist! Get the book!

Bonus: my oldest son who loves to call people "hobo" as a lighthearted insult is actually learning what a hobo was in that era and why people left their homes and rode the rails.

More stuff to love, no links:

The Kirkland dried cherries from Costco. I am supposed to eat less chocolate because it contributes to kidney stones. Boo on that. But the cherries are a nice, indulgent but healthy substitute.
Two dollars' worth of daffodils from Safeway. Bring an unreasonable amount of joy for a whole week if you buy them unopened and keep them watered.
Thrifting in Missoula. Holy fun thrift stores up there.

That's all for tonight!

Devoid of strife

2011-03-20T19:15:00.000-06:00

Today we sang "Gently Raise the Sacred Strain" in sacrament meeting. I love that hymn - beautiful melody, inspiring words about the sabbath and the sacrament. And what a blessing, we have had a holy day (mostly) devoid of strife. I thought I better write it down, because that doesn't happen too often. We are sort of a high-drama family sometimes.

The kids all got ready for church basically on time. I had to leave about 20 minutes before church started instead of our usual 10 (we are spoiled, aren't we!?) to get the room prepared for the Sunday School lesson I was teaching, so G brought S who had not yet finished breakfast. By some miracle (probably the miracle called Patient Daddy) the kid managed to get out of bed at 8:20 and still be at church, appropriately dressed, fed, and unstinky, by 9. With no screaming or fighting.

My friend Angie and her family spoke in sacrament meeting about families. They did a beautiful job focusing on the positive. As her husband spoke about the family he grew up in I had to fight off my usual pang of envy and bristle of resentment for the low-drama type families; it sounds like he grew up in a wonderful environment (I did, too) and has a great relationship with his family (there are spots where this is harder). He spoke about how his siblings voted to forgo Christmas one year so that his parents could pay for an expensive brace he needed in order to continue playing football, which was really important to him. I wish for peaceful and giving relationships like that. And then I tried to apply my work of the last year about acceptance and priorities and doing my best and letting go the rest. And it helped. And that allowed me to see past my issues and find the things I needed to apply from the talks today. Not easy stuff. Worthwhile stuff, though.

I taught my lesson, which was about three miracles from the Savior's ministry - the healing at the pool of Bethesda, the feeding of the 5,000, and Christ walking on the water. It was so up my alley, lots of talk about symbolism and grace. Or maybe I just made it that way. Anyway the class seemed reasonably engaged and it was a good experience for me. I do love how teaching or speaking seems to focus my study and prayer.

Relief Society was also lovely, and not just because the teacher brought us Cadbury Mini Eggs. Yeah, I've admitted it to my sister and a couple of friends - I am off the wagon with Mr. Sugar. I will try again. Anyway the lesson was about the Word of Wisdom and I was really pleased at how the ladies kept it understanding and non-judgmental. (Irony anyone? W of W lesson while sucking down the most addictive candy on earth?)

We had soup and sandwiches for lunch, then a lovely nap, interrupted only a couple of times by my enthusiastic Ms. Z. I made quiche and a big, yummy salad and talked to my parents on the phone while G and Z took Heidi the dog for a walk, and then after we ate the kids went outside to play with G while I ... did this. Blogging and facebooking. The fireplace is on, the clouds are layered high and feathery, and I have a lemon meringue pie in the fridge. What better dessert for a pie-type dinner than pie? Right?

Lovely Sunday.

Birthday Fairy

2011-03-17T16:15:00.000-06:00

Dear Birthday Fairy,

In just more than a month I will be turning 37. Unmistakably closer to 40 than 30. I feel I should get some recognition for making it through the last year. Since you see me when I'm sleeping and know when I'm awake (that's you, right?) we don't have to go into details here.

Right now we have committed significant resources to medical stuff, and I'm grateful we can do that, but it's not exactly satisfying to shop for a kidney stone removal, hernia repair, or neurofeedback therapy. And it all leaves me no room to do real shopping. So what I'm going to do instead is make a wish list and turn it over to you. Then clap my hands three times and wish real hard.

We will start with a dress that reminds me of my 1970s childhood. It's my favorite color, green, with hippie embroidery. It looks so comfortable and pretty and perfect for a Montana summer.

This dress comes from Sahalie. I have a couple of other dresses bought on clearance from this place. They are easy to wear and always look good. I got them for like $20 each. This one, uh, costs a little more. Hey, if it were cheap I would just sneak it in to the monthly expenses.

While you are there at Sahalie, dear birthday fairy, I could use one of these for my wild hair. Have I mentioned how my post-35 hair bends in all kind of funky directions, which is disconcerting for a girl whose hair used to be stick-straight? And how I hate styling my hair? It's so boring. It takes up so much time that I would rather spend on other things. And yet I hate how it looks when I don't do anything.

Please bring it in pink. And if you want to bring me a black one and a white one, that would also be excellent. See, that could so be me, with the dangly earrings and the sun-kissed cheeks and the cute thing on my head.

Especially when I am in California this summer. Have I mentioned I am going to California this summer? I'm super excited.

One more fabulous item from Sahalie. This is a dream item. I will most likely still be dreaming of it next Christmas.

But look at these boots.

I got black Martino boots for Christmas from my thoughtful husband (after I thoughtfully sent him the link and let him know that these would be required in order for me to have a satisfying holiday). They do not disappoint. They fit like a dream and even accommodate my, ahem, more than athletic calves.

I need brown for other outfits. I was straitly trained by my father, no less, that one should not wear black shoes with brown clothing. It's ingrained in me. Way down deep. So this is a need, not a want. Maybe it will go on sale with summer coming? I could wear boots all summer long in Montana.

All right, moving on. I also need an Amazon gift card, because there is all kinds of new music that I urgently need.

First of all, a new album from Ari Hest, about whom I am still embarrassingly crushy.Did I tell you that when G and I went to see him live in Berkeley I was so crushy I couldn't really talk to him? And he talks to people at his shows. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Ari has previewed a lot of music from this album on YouTube if you want to check it out.

He's also touring this spring. If he's close to you, dear Birthday Fairy, I really think you should go. In spite of my shyness, I'm awfully glad we drove from Merced to Berkeley for his show in November 2009. Unfortunately a Montana date does not appear to be on the list (shocker) and since I can't even afford to download MP3s this spring I'm sure you can understand I can't quite manage a trip to Denver (this weekend - sniff sniff!) or Seattle.

Guess who else has a new album? My other guitar-boy crush, Lenny Kravitz. Lenny, why is your new album not on Amazon? Will you get on that? I don't like downloading from iTunes. I think they're communists, which is how my husband's family tends to describe successful capitalists or anyone else who wants their money, especially if they don't provide a particularly satisfying product. (I still have a cheap Sansa mp3 player that works great, and iTunes won't sync to it, plus I resent digital rights management. I'm no criminal.)

Moving entirely out of the crush category (trust me) but more than securely in the we-are-not-worthy musical amazingness category, Paul Simon has a new album that will be out two weeks before my big day. I will need to be getting that.

The first single, "Getting Ready for Christmas Day" came out before the holidays. Those smart marketing people. It's not really a Christmas song, exactly, but it's really good. You can hear it here on YouTube.

Seriously, though, you should not even need to hear a single to know that a new Paul Simon album is going to be worth your music buck. It's Paul freaking Simon. Who has never made a bad song. That is all you need to know.

I also need some lumber and supplies to build cold frames for my garden.

And I need my piano tuned and my dog groomed.

That will do. Thank you, birthday fairy.

I wish you were real.

The latest

2011-03-15T16:21:00.000-06:00

A short time ago I heard from a dear friend, our next door neighbor in our married-student-housing days at BYU. She expressed happiness to have found my blog, and I thought, oh, dear. I am not a very good blogger these days. Most of my thoughts go directly to facebook, posted in drive-by style, without too much thought. Also, that leaves out any broad view of what's happening in our family. So for my dear friend Patricia, and anybody else reading, here is the skinny.

Dr. G is in his second semester as a professor. He is working hard but not as busy as the first semester. His department intentionally gave him a lighter load to allow him to work on course development and research. This was very kind. It also allows him a little more family time, and we're all grateful for that. The first semester was really hard on everyone. He has won four small grants so far this year, as I posted earlier, and is working on a new research project on Georgetown Lake, Montana. That's where he is all week this week. At least it's in the 40s outside, not any colder. Maybe we're starting to feel just the edge of the aura of spring.

I am always finding myself with more brilliant ideas than I have capacity to follow through on. I'm trying hard to focus on what's really essential: caring for myself in mind, body and spirit; supporting the kids' education; helping others when I can. Then comes freelance work. Not saying I always succeed at making these my priorities - facebook wins way too often, and some days I feel like I'm failing at everything. But, I get back up again and usually things click along ok. I am enjoying a new church job, organizing activities for the Relief Society every other month and serving in the presidency of that organization. I miss the Primary kids but also love getting to know the adult women a lot better.

S is homeschooling still - it's hard to stay motivated at this time of year, but we keep going on the essentials and try to grab the occasional extracurricular educational experience when we can. Recently we loved an anti-tobacco presentation by Victor DeNoble. Great speaker with a very important message! He even showed monkey brains, real ones, which S termed "disgusting, but interesting." Yes, that about sums up monkey brains. S has been working with a new doctor and undergoing neurofeedback training to strengthen some of his challenging areas and prepare for seventh grade in public school this fall. It's a big commitment for us financially and time-wise, but G and I have felt really good about it as well as very grateful that we actually have the resources to do this for S. We think of it like braces for the brain! Of course he will probably need braces for his teeth sometime in the next few years, as well ... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! He is huge (5'4", 120 pounds) and still loves Legos, video games, and Scouts.

A is so close to finishing fourth grade, he can almost taste it! He has had a wonderful and supportive teacher this year (I love it when my kids get the more experienced teachers - they may not love them the most but I can tell there's a benefit to having done your job for a while!) and really enjoys being with his classmates and friends. All the little girls love him; he's so handsome and charming. He has an eye for one in particular, and fortunately is open with me about it; I constantly remind him that they should just be friends and not worry about "love stuff" right now! I am getting my big stick ready for the teen years. He is learning (from his mistakes) about homework habits and organization. Thank goodness we still have a couple months before the end of the year for him to prove himself and get ready for the next grade. Fourth is really a change and a challenge - that has been true for both my kids who have been there so far. A is taking guitar lessons, which he really enjoys, and loves to play sports and read novels. He's also active in Cub Scouts.

K has made a great breakthrough this year on reading. It's one of my favorite stages - when the kid is so excited to read that they read everything. Super cute. And then they realize that once they know how to put the pieces together, they can read anything - even big chapter books! So he's working on that, now. I have to give a little credit to Concerta. It has made a great difference for my bouncy little boy and let us see his true potential. He has a good little group of school friends with whom he plays after school. Darling little boys. K remains my skinny, scrawny one - still in a size 6. He's the only one of my kids to wear his age (as a clothing size) consistently. Will we get to size 7 by this summer? Seems unlikely at the moment. His favorite things are playing with his friends (Legos, action figures, you name it) video games, and dawdling in the mornings. Sorry, I just could not resist that. It's a bit of a crazy-maker for me. Love my little K. One of my favorite things is his habit of sitting on my lap at church. He used to have to do that or he could not sit. Now he is just used to it and I like it. It keeps me warm when the heat in the chapel is wonky (which is a lot).

Z is my joy and my challenge - such a wonderful snuggler, clever comedienne, cute little mommy to her dolls and the dog, and basically bored out of her mind with only two days of preschool a week. It is hard to keep up with how much input she needs, and she is pretty nasty about it when she's not getting what she needs! We try to have friends over frequently to help take the pressure off me, and get to the YMCA as much as possible so she can play with her friends in the daycare there. Her hair is finally growing out from her self-inflicted pixie cut last summer. She is so cute. Really. This fall she will go to 4-day-a-week preschool. Is it evil to say I can't wait?

That leaves the dog. Well, she is a love mooch, and that is alternately cute and annoying. She is also a cheese mooch, literally obsessed with cheese, and that's only annoying. I still love taking her for walks, and I'm glad I can do it again after that kidney stone debacle. She stinks like dog, sheds like a maniac and needs her claws clipped. I feel like I don't know how to do the bathing or clipping, and G doesn't have time. I am thinking maybe next month I will take her to a groomer and watch how they do things. (I always think I am going to have spare money next month. Hahahaha.) She is a good doggie. We love her.

There you have it, a snapshot of our family as of today. Now I feel a little less guilty.

Belatedly

2011-02-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

We will just call this a late Valentine post. I did do a big project to surprise Dr. G for Valentine's Day, but I neglected to write him my usual mushy card or letter. And this morning I was just thinking about how rad he is (that word is like a special gift for him that only he will get) , and now here I am blogging about it.

Last night he came home from taking S to Scouts and reminded me to put my van in the garage. I didn't do it. This morning I headed out, bracing myself to brush off snow and warm up a very frigid vehicle. It was one degree fahrenheit this morning. Cold.

Guess where my van was? In the garage. My man is the man.

He also fixes the toilets and leaves funny notes about it. Keeps my knives sharp. Does the dishes. Walks the dog. I am a well cared for woman.

He got a grant this week at work. He has gotten four little grants this year that start to add up to biggish money. He has applied for ... guess how many grants this year? Four. Smarty!

I love my Valentine!

Humbled

2011-02-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

Great big kidney stone. I feel it starting about January 13th. It hurts, but not like the stone I had two years ago, which is a mercy, because that one had me sweating and doubled over and thinking for sure I had a ruptured appendix and certain death looming. I spend last week getting diagnosed and scheduled for a lithotripsy. No doctor in my town is free. Meanwhile, two kids get sick with colds. I go to Missoula Friday for a consult. Then, yesterday, surgery.
It seems like it's going to be no biggie. It's outpatient, it's considered minimally invasive, no incisions, blah blah.

In the hospital (first time ever in a hospital except for that ER trip two years ago with the killer stone) I have this bizarre feeling: I don't have to do anything. There are people all around me taking care of me. They bring me warm blankets and magazines. After the procedure, tomato soup and crackers, grape juice, ice water in a sippy cup. (Good tomato soup, too, with little chunks of yummy tomato, not overly sweet.) It's like somebody else is doing my job.

My friends, bless them forever, take my kids. My husband runs people to the doctor's office and picks up medicines at the pharmacy and grabs milk and stuff at the grocery store. I am mostly helpless. I dose up on two hydrocodones and one Advil Liquigel (my heretofore best friend) this afternoon so I can get the kids through homework and chores while G gets some work done. I feel super but apparently overdo it and have to lie down at 4:30 and order Domino's. I have some bleeding that I think is exacerbated by the Advil. No more of that.

I'm so helpless. I'm so humbled. I'm so grateful that, usually, I have my health. Hope it's back soon.

A million thanks to all who are praying and helping and supporting me. I can't imagine what it's like when a mom hits a really serious health crisis. I know it happens. I hope not to me.

(P.S. If I find out this stone was really caused by diet cola, that might be enough to make me kick the habit forever, and I mean forever.)

Comfort

2011-01-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

There are a few things I own that I have had forever. Of course there are things I keep for their sentimental value - dresses made by my mom for my high school proms and balls, elementary school art work, letters from friends, raggedy blankets. I don't think I'm a pack rat, but for me to still have something that I had 20 or even 30 years ago is not that unusual.

The rare thing is that object that is still used regularly.

This sweatshirt came from a shop in Trolley Square in Salt Lake in 1989. I believe I suckered my dad into buying it for me. Sometimes I was successful like that. For the record, I have never been to Scotland. I do have Scots ancestors and, you know, a tartan and stuff. And a really, really soft, old sweatshirt. Useful for days when I am sick or cold or both. It is starting to get a few tiny holes in it.

These are my huge, chunky Vasque hiking boots. They were one of my splurge items when I got my first job after college. In case you're wondering, that was in 1996. They went up Rock Canyon in Provo, a lot. They have also taken my feet out hiking on active lava flow on the Big Island, up a lot of stone steps in Yosemite, and recently, on a lot of long walks on icy sidewalks with Heidi the dog. I think they might need new laces soon, but other than that, they are as good as new. Excellent traction and stability. Hiking boots don't usually look like this anymore; the design has definitely changed in the last 15 years. I don't care. I love them.

Midwives

2011-01-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month we had a massive swapfest at Relief Society. I was super proud of myself because I brought about three boxes of books to it, and I only came home with two books! One of them was Midwives by Chris Bohjalian. I grabbed it because it had an Oprah's Book Club emblem, I cannot tell a lie. I never watch Oprah and I have some issues with her whole materialistic/pseudo-spiritual philosophy (and she called her new thing OWN? Really, as in OWN more stuff!) but I have found she usually chooses decent reads.

Midwives was a good one. Part legal thriller, part women's health manifesto, part family drama, it kept me engaged as I blasted through it in just a couple of days because I have not been feeling too hot. (Would that a midwife could perform a lithotripsy for me, because all the doctors around here seem to be very busy.)

The story is told from the point of view of the teen daughter of a young Vermont ex-hippie lay midwife in the early 1980s. It's also seen through excerpts from the midwife's diary. The midwife is assisting a home birth during an ice storm when the laboring mother dies suddenly and the midwife must perform a c-section to save the baby. The state prosecutes the midwife for manslaughter and for practicing medicine without a license. It gets more complicated than that, but that's kind of the foundation of the story.

Considering that it's about late-20th century secular mores and pregnancy and childbirth, it's a pretty darn chaste book. OK for even very sensitive readers in that regard, I would say.

What I really liked was its treatment of how different people view events and remember them differently, and how even people who are as sure as they can be of themselves may look back on past actions with doubt and regret. Moments come in life when we make huge decisions. And sometimes we have to look back and question those decisions the rest of our lives.

It was interesting for me to read it as I am permanently closing the door on fertility. (Yes, that process is taking me a while, ok?) I used to have opinions on everything related to pregnancy and childbirth and nursing and parenting. Now, a lot of it is pretty irrelevant for me. I guess I have also learned that everybody does whatever works for them, and homebirthing hippies and regimented schedulers can both make good parents and have good families. Times have changed! I'm still interested in what people do, but I'm kind of past making those decisions for myself and definitely past thinking I have a clue how other people should approach them.

Thumbs up on the book. Enjoy.

Sa-weet muffins

2011-01-22T23:14:00.000-07:00

I found a recipe for agave-sweetened pumpkin muffins online and made some modifications. They turned out fantastic and I thought I would share!

Agave-Molasses Pumpkin Muffins
3 cups finely ground whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup olive oil
3/4 cup agave
3/4 cup molasses
2 eggs
1 can (15 ounces) pumpkin puree
2 tablespoons water

In large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg; set aside. Melt butter in large saucepan; cool. Whisk agave, molasses, egg, water, olive oil, and pumpkin into the butter. Gradually add to flour mixture, mixing until just blended. Spoon into 24 greased or paper-lined 2-1/2 inch muffin cups. Bake at 350°F for 25 to 30 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove muffins from pan to wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Breakup letter

2011-01-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Sugar,

We've been together a long time. My mom says you may have honed in on me even before I was born. We've had some great times and been to some great places. I've met you in pies and cookies and lately, some really fabulous handmade caramels.

Here's the thing, though. It's been almost 37 years and I've realized that no matter how much I'm into you, you're never going to love me back. I don't say this to hurt you - not that I think you'd care if I did - but I'm thinking that makes you a bad boyfriend. You might not be doing it on purpose, but you've been hurting me.

You're making me fat, honestly, and ashamed of myself. After I hang out with you I have a harder time being nice to the people who do love me back. Recently I found out that all this time you've been cutting me up inside, literally, scraping my artery walls so it's easier for plaque to hang out there. Dude, that's gross. Everybody knows you're not good for my teeth. You wear me down and make it easier for me to get sick. Also, I can't prove it, but I think the adult acne might be your fault.

So I think this means I'm breaking up with you. I know you'll be all cool about it and say "let's be friends" and stuff, but I just can't. At least not until I'm over you, and that might take a while. Maybe like a year. So I'm not going to be seeing you anymore for at least that long. Period. I may occasionally get together with your cousins Agave and Honey, in a cup of tea or on a pancake or something. And you know I cannot quit hanging with that gorgeous natural beauty, Fructose. But you, I have to let go.

If you see me in a dark chocolate bar every now and then, just turn the other way. I will not acknowledge you. I'm just there for the antioxidants.

Buh-bye,
Ana

The Swan Thieves

2011-01-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I reviewed a book. Heck, it's been a while since I read a book. Fall and winter got crazy. But getting lost in a book is good for my soul sometimes, and I was excited to read this second book from the Elizabeth Kostova, author of The Historian, The Swan Thieves. So excited that I had no idea it was available until I happened on it at the dreaded WalMart. This is my life now. Our library is closed because of a flood, I have a shelf full of overdue books, and I am getting my reading material from the evil empire because I can sometimes disingenuously squeeze it in with the laundry detergent budget.

I have told numerous people that if they want a vampire novel that will not make them resent the time they spend on it, they should read The Historian. Still true.

The Swan Thieves was engaging all through. Kostova has created a nice group of flawed but likable characters - even the main artist, Robert Oliver, is sympathetic in his mental illness. The book has a lot to say about the cost of loving a genius, specifically a genius who is kind of imbalanced in the brain, and the sacrifices made by women in terms of art and career when they love men and become mothers. I liked that.

It did remind me a lot of Possession, in that it traced a dual story - modern people studying about predecessors in their fields and discovering a hidden romance. And Possession was so amazing, I wouldn't blame any writer for taking a shot at imitating the structure. Kostova did a pretty good job, I would say.

Maybe because I kept thinking about the Byatt book, The Swan Thieves didn't have the same wow factor for me that I felt with The Historian. But it was still a great read.

Holy

2010-12-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

My heart has been right up on the surface for this whole Christmas season. Everything makes me cry. Everything seems precious, holy.

It's partly because I've been through some difficult times this year. I've been humbled a little.

It's partly because I've dived into Christmas like I think I never have before. Music, decorating, baking, I have been into every bit of it, ever since we came back from our Thanksgiving trip to Utah. It's my first whole Christmas season in my own home (it took us almost the whole season last year just to unpack an settle in). I love it.

It's also partly because I have really been focused on improving my spirituality. I'm studying every day for the first time in a while - not just reading but studying, writing about my thoughts and feelings. I'm praying in a different way. I'm trying to do something more each day to bring the Spirit into my life, too - listening to a conference talk while I work out, sacred music in the car, reading from a Church magazine, serving someone. This stuff makes a big difference. I'm trying to choose faith every day. It changes who I am. Not that I don't still have a long way to go - I am still impatient and demanding and difficult sometimes. But I have different thoughts when I am making this kind of effort. I like it better.

Here are some things I have been thinking about Christmas.

How many poets and composers have tried to imagine Mary's lullaby to the infant Christ? We feel sure she sang, although the books we have don't record it. I feel it, because I, too, sing to children of God.

Holy days, these days when my kids are young and excited and still learning and all together under our roof. Just being together is so sacred.

I was blessed with the opportunity to coordinate a donation from the Bishop's Storehouse to our local homeless shelter. We also collected new pillows and various paper goods for them from the members of our ward. When I spoke with the director near the beginning of this month to determine their needs, she told me one of their residents had a three week old baby girl, born while her parents were living in the shelter. My heart broke. I understood the plight of the Christ Child in a new way. How blessed I am to have a clean, safe, secure place for my children. Earlier this week when we delivered the food donation, I saw the baby in her car seat, tiny and shell-pink and perfect, just beautiful. She was on her way out with her parents to move into a new apartment that very day. Christmas miracle. Also that very day, the shelter had made up 70 food baskets for families in need, effectively emptying their pantry. We were able to restock their shelves. I am so grateful to have been even just an intermediary in that process.

Merry Christmas. Holy Day.

Snow pics

2010-11-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

And good things to do on snowy days.

Homeschool.

Bury your grudges ... or the person you have a grudge against?

Play with your dog.

Play inside. With a hat, you can be like a grown up lady.

Get ready for the big day.

Curl up with a quilt and a good book. (Pictured: "The Queen of Style")

Cuddle up in your crate with ... a mirror? Well, this dog lives with a little diva; what can we say?

I've created a monster

2010-11-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

My K has been a Michael Jackson fan ever since he first came to our house at age 3. He immediately found and loved the movie Free Willy, previously forgotten in our collection of VHS tapes. You could read a lot into that because of the story about the kid in foster care and everything, and maybe it's all true, I don't know for sure. But the thing he loved most was the MJ video at the beginning. Heaven forbid you should fail to rewind the thing all the way and miss that video.

He doesn't watch it so much now. Which is fine. But we did introduce the kids to the long-form "Thriller" on Halloween. K wants to watch it every few days. So I showed him how to find a collection of MJ videos on our Blu-Ray player. (We love that thing and its streaming Netflix. Joy.)

Since then, it's almost nonstop. The kids find MJ weird and fascinating, just like all of us. Especially the changes in his appearance. But they love the long-form videos for "Bad" and "Black or White" with their simple, didactic stories. A keeps trying to imitate the dance moves, which is certainly something to see.

I have to say, I wasn't a huge MJ fan in my youth. Never owned a cassette, even. Mostly I was too young when he was really huge - fourth grade when "Thriller" was everywhere. But that's it; it was everywhere. I remember a kid playing it on a boom box in the school bus on the way to my rural Oklahoma elementary. It was part of what I marinated in during my childhood. And now it's part of me, and I do think the guy was kind of a genius with the infectious beats and the feel-good messages

So I pass it on to my kids. That's all right, isn't it?

Decided

2010-11-06T23:02:00.000-06:00

As you can see, we made a decision about becoming a dog-companioned family. This is Heidi Irina. She's a young, small-size German Shepherd/cowdog cross. She is calm and sweet and just a love. She came from Montana German Shepherd Dog Rescue in Hamilton. She's kind of lazy and mostly wants to be snuggled. Lucky for Z.

November

2010-11-03T09:54:00.000-06:00

Two of my kids were placed for adoption voluntarily by their birthmoms. I am always amazed by their selfless choice. If ever I know I need to do something but feel it is just too difficult for me, I think of them. Because of my experience as a foster parent, I know what it's like to say goodbye to a baby you love with no guarantee you'll ever meet again. It's one of the most lonely and desolate feelings I've encountered. It takes amazing strength to endure that voluntarily in the best interest of your child. These birthparents are phenomenal.

My other two kids joined our family through the foster care system. Their birthparents wouldn't have chosen to give them up. They were removed for their best interest by a system that, although imperfect, employs many good people who do truly want to keep children safe and help them find good, loving, permanent families. These adoption workers can be angels on earth.

On our journey to build our family we have been blessed with good and supportive friendships with other adoptive families. We were part of a group that uncertainly entered adoptive-parent education classes together in the fall of 1998 at LDS Family Services in Salt Lake City and continued to meet and socialize together for several years as gradually children joined our families. I have relied on advice and support from a diverse group of women from the Adoptive Parents bulletin board that began at iVillage.com around that time (now we congregate on a private board). Blog friends have offered kind words. And we have met people through church and other avenues who have been wonderful examples and thoughtful friends. I think you will understand that it is not vanity and I am not necessarily referring to us when I say that adoptive parents make up a generally awesome group that we are humbled to be part of.

One last party. Last but not least. Those kids. They are beautiful, fun, smart, quirky, challenging. They come with their own spirits and personalities. They have experienced loss. They are affected by the lives they had before they came to us. They are resilient and strong. They are the stars of the show. They are why we are all doing what we do. They are the super-fantastic, always interesting, sacred and special children of adoption.

November is National Adoption Month. I am a mom through adoption. I am so grateful I have the chance.

All Hallow's Read

2010-10-29T18:17:00.000-06:00

Author Neil Gaiman suggests a new Halloween tradition: give a scary book. I'm a sucker for book gifts, so even though I wonder how much this new holiday tradition will benefit this author of the scary books I love, I will promote it and possibly even hit the used book shop tomorrow (payday ain't 'till Monday, folks, and we've had an expensive month, not that I'm complaining as I type happily on my shiny, red laptop).

So here are some of my favorite literary creepies.

First, "Satan and Sam Shay," a 1940s short story by Robert Arthur. I don't know of any instances of this story currently in print. I grew up with it in an anthology called The Looking Glass Book of Short Stories. I found a copy in another anthology called Out of This World, edited by Julius Fast. It has been published in other anthologies as well. I actually entered my 11-year-old's pit of a bedroom to find our copy and get the title and editor. That tells you three things: (1) I love you enough to get this information for you; (2) I love this story enough to get that information for you; (3) It appeals to an 11-year-old enough that he squirrels it away in his pit of a bedroom. (It's not that terrible. The main problem is the LEGOs on the floor. Like a minefield.) The story tells how the clever Sam Shay outwits the devil after a deal that seems certain to lose him his soul. Naturally, the man who can cheat Lucifer starts up an insurance agency in the end. I don't think that's a spoiler. Hat tip to my dad for selling me on this story in my youth.

For out-of-this-world sci-fi creepiness and disturb-o factor, along with another level that makes you think about being human and religious and cultural judgments, The Sparrow and Children of God by Mary Doria Russell. The plot involves a Catholic missionary expedition to an alien world with (maybe this is too obvious) completely different mores than those of Earth - and all the aftermath of that contact.

These two were mind-changing books for me, with the added benefit of being total page-turners. That meant I had to read them twice each to absorb the ideas after my initial plot binge, and I almost never do that unless the second round is a read-aloud to my kids. These books are not for kids. For real.

But if you are an Orson Scott Card fan ready to go a new place, consider this trip. (There were some parallels with, for example, Children of the Mind.)

For a chilling dose of what's creepy in the type of people you meet on a daily basis, try Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. At first you won't see what's creepy about it. If I tell you much more, it will be a spoiler. But it's not a horror book. It's a oh-man-is-the-human-race-in-trouble book. Sometimes that's far scarier than ghosts and ghouls.

There is a movie coming up with a lot of stylish young stars in it. So if you want to read the book first (and if you see these kinds of movies), hustle. It is worth it. As for me, I see grown-ups' films so infrequently that it's probably more realistic to say I'll flip through the book again for my human-nature shivers.

Finally, ok, pretty much anything by Neil Gaiman. My friend Miriam is to blame for recommending his books. I've talked about them before. Coraline, The Graveyard Book, Anansi Boys, American Gods (which made me wonder if Rick Riordan read it before he wrote Percy Jackson) Good Omens ... you can start where you like. Make sure there's someplace you can get some sunshine when you've finished. Otherwise ... ooooh, creepy.

Happy All Hallow's Read.

MLB, fall and Halloween

2010-10-28T21:49:00.000-06:00

Just some season-associated randoms tonight.

Facebook makes it amusing, right now, to have friends in NorCal and in Texas. I have to say if I had to pick a side I would choose the Giants. But I have never watched a MLB game in my entire life, so my endorsement could not be more meaningless.
I love everybody's kids in their Halloween costumes. I think I may be getting over my years as the Scrooge of Halloween. Is it the chill in the air? The bare branches and snow-silvered slopes? The fabulously feathered faux ravens I found at K-mart? The fact that when we have a family pumpkin-carving activity I am no longer the only one actually doing anything?
Speaking of the weather, today K entered the house complaining that it was too hot. The thermometer on my back porch read 50 degrees. I guess he's acclimated.
I am really weary of homeschooling right now, 2.5 months into the school year. Here's hoping I find a rejuvenating factor, and pronto.
Z and I made the most delicious cupcakes for the preschool Halloween party. From cake mix and canned frosting with Reese's Pieces on top. I am not my pastry-chef sister (and I do not pretend my cupcakes compare with hers). I am not Martha Stewart or Family Fun. I am not here to impress you. I got the cupcakes done, darn it.
On that topic. You do not have to make Halloween costumes. All you people who are staying up late tonight doing that, you know, it must be because you love doing it. Right?
Halloween on Sunday. Big topic for Mormons. We have decided not to trick-or-treat that day, but I can understand why others would make a different choice. The great thing is that we had a party for preschool today, as I mentioned; the elementary school kids have parties and a parade tomorrow; we can trick or treat around several businesses in town tomorrow; and there's a church trunk-or treat Saturday night. So really we have three days of Halloween celebrations, and that's pretty good restitution for missing out on a Sabbath-day candy spree.
We went to Big Hole National Battlefield last week in conjunction with S's homeschool history unit on the Indian wars in our region. The drive there (we went the Anaconda route) was supernally gorgeous, with golden leaves on the slopes and red willows by the creeks. The Pioneer Range is astounding. Dr. G's grandpa was born in the little town of Wisdom, Montana, so I talked that up for the kids. But of course the piercing, heartbreaking aspect of the day was the tragic battle that happened in that place - standing on the ground where Chief Joseph stood - amazing.

In memory of a good dog

2010-10-27T21:27:00.000-06:00

Today, Dr. G's parents had to have their Australian Shepherd Dog, Katydid, put down. In memory of Katy, I write about dogs.

I didn't grow up with animals, really. We had sporadic experiences with pet hamsters, a couple of different cats for short periods of time, and once, a turtle that we caught on our rural Oklahoma road. There were times we had chickens and ducks, and even pigs, but those weren't pets. They were experiments in self-sufficiency.

For two weeks we once had a black lab mix named Lizabelle. My mom realized quickly that she was going to be the one to have to take care of it. Lizabelle went back to the pound. Guess my mom felt four children (numbers five and six had not yet made their entrances) constituted enough responsibility for one woman.

I waffle. Sometimes I think I don't need any more responsibilities. Sometimes I think my kids need a dog.

Here are the points that make me consider dog ownership.

I am always a little nervous around animals. I don't want my kids to feel that way. From the photo above, you can see that currently they don't.
We lived in Salt Lake at the time Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped. I actually saw her at Liberty Park once, during her ordeal, without knowing it was her. (If you remember, her face was covered when she was out in public.) I have always thought there would be a good chance that horrible thing never would have happened to her if there'd been a dog sleeping at the foot of her bed.
I would like someone to go with me to help me feel secure and protected if I feel like going on a walk in the dark. Or to go with me up a mountain trail. Or to camp with my family in bear country.
I am horribly allergic to cats. Heh.

On the other hand, I have two kids with ADHD and two with asthma. I'm a homeschooling mom. I am trying to maintain a freelance writing and editing business. I am trying to get the bare bones basics done in terms of exercise and spiritual practice. I am already neglecting my own personal and creative needs far more than I think is healthy. My husband is a first-year professor. I see him usually between 7 and 10 p.m. I am lucky he still cleans up after dinner. I don't think I could count on much help from him with a new canine companion. As for my kids, let's get real. I can barely get them to take care of their own bodily needs and physical surroundings in an appropriate way. Do I really want to fight the go-out-and-shovel-poop battle?

I look at pictures of dogs on the shelter web site now, wistfully, in the same way I used to look at photo listings of waiting children when I felt strongly we were meant to have more children in our family. Sometimes I tell myself it's time to pee or get off the pot. I have been thinking about this ever since we bought our house. That's almost a year. A long time to think.

Katy was a good dog. But she got her name because she was such a naughty puppy. If anything was chewed, peed on, or ruined in some other way, my in-laws could be pretty certain Katy did it, so she was named Katydid. She was so funny as a young dog, super smart and charming in a very breed-specific way. I remember her playing sock tug-o-war with my husband and herding us on our walks.

This summer when we visited Alaska, my little puppy-loving Z got to know Katy in her twilight. Katy was hurting, tired, old. Z was enthusiastic, loving, silly. Katy's patience was superb. She let Z read her stories, lead her around, use her as a canine pillow. She was a good, good dog.

Run fast in doggie heaven, Katydid.

Oooh, shiny

2010-10-21T13:32:00.000-06:00

Look what I got. For work purposes. Ostensibly.

I'll call it reinvesting in my business. There you go.

It's super pretty.

Z named it "Sparkle." She asked what our old computer was named. I told her, "Home PC." She said, "That's not a very cute name."

School pics

2010-10-18T16:03:00.000-06:00

Just a quick post for these since I am on a facebook break. School pictures for A and K. What a rip off. If I had been in a portrait studio and/or with a real photographer for these, I would have been saying no for so many reasons. A is making a funny face. K was supposed to wear his fleece pullover over his by-now-vintage Hogle Zoo tee.

And yet, they are so, so cute, funny smiles and all.

I'm going to have to take S and Z into JCPenney or (gulp) WalMart or something to get fall portraits, I think. I meant to do that last year, but never did. Even with what those cost, I bet I will save money over the stupid school picture package. I am a sucker.

Prompt

2010-10-18T12:18:00.000-06:00

We are heavy on the Greeks this year in homeschool. We have the first volume of Joy Hakim's fabulous Story of Science. We have myths in our literature work using the D'Aulaires' gorgeous book, well remembered from my childhood. So, you know, why not bring it all the way around?

S is assigned this week to write his own Greek myth, his own hero's quest. I can't wait to see what he comes up with.

The prompt I wrote for him, I realized, makes a decent writing tool for grownup writers, too, because the elements of the quest get into the heart of conflict in such a simple way. That's hard for me. I can write characters with aplomb. Not to brag or anything. Writing conflict is whoa, hard. So, I thought I would share.

Who will be the main character? What is special about him or her?

What is his or her goal?

Who will help?

What will be the obstacles to the goal?

1.

2.

3.

How will they be overcome?

1.

2.

3.

What lesson is learned in the story?

Montana love

2010-10-16T16:48:00.000-06:00

A year ago I wrote a list of things I loved about California. I still get homesick for California. Sometimes if you could peek into my head you might think I was a whiny little wimp Californian. Of course, I really am not. We have been in Montana for 10 months and I do love it. So, here is the first edition of ...

Things I Love About Montana

Uncrowdedness
Unhurriedness
Unspoiledness
Golden aspens in the sun
Pines in the rain
Evening thunderstorms
Rainbows on the East Ridge
Big Sky - they're not kidding about that
Amazing and plentiful state parks
Mining history
Cowboy history
Sacagawea/Lewis and Clark history
Native American history
Never being too hot
Alpine wildflowers
Rivers running through it
Pork Chop John's
Pasties (they're MEAT PIES, you perverts)
Fabulous 1890-1950 architecture
Lilacs
Yellow floribunda roses
Petunias in hanging baskets
Hot springs
Only 6 hours from my family
Local-flavored public radio
Local, independent pop music radio
Mennonites and Hmong at the Farmer's Market (sort of like California, only just in summer)
Summer festivals
Keeping garbage cans in the alley
No bugs or spiders in the house - winter kills 'em off
Wearing boots and sweaters and scarves and hats
Welcoming and wonderful neighbors and friends
A happy husband with a good job

Mine

2010-10-14T09:46:00.000-06:00

My great-grandparents lived in Park City, Utah, before it was a chi-chi movie star haven. When my grandpa was unsure whether he wanted to go to college, his mother arranged a job for him underground. He went to college, the first generation in our family. (If you went to high school in Logan or Preston, there's a pretty good chance he was your band teacher.)

I live now in Butte, Montana, where every day we look at the gigantic toxic scar that represents a good share of the copper that electrified the country and won wars and supplied technology throughout the 20th century. Similar to the big Kennecott mine in the SW Salt Lake Valley, but in a smaller context and filled with poisonous water. I think it's kind of like having to hunt for your protein. You can eat the meat, but you have to think about where it came from. We can turn on our lights in Butte, but it's with a keen awareness of the price paid.

My husband's parents grew up here. His grandfather ran a machinery company that supplied the mines. It completely changed the fortunes of his family.

My dad is a mining engineering professor. He works to make mining safer and to automate dangerous processes. His work has taken him all over the world.

My husband is a groundwater hydrology professor. He's just getting into studying mine water problems. It's possible that some of the damage we've done can be remediated, if it can first be better understood.

All this to say, mining is way down deep in my blood. And it's full of ugliness and tragedy and big mistakes. But it is different in many ways from how it used to be. I can see its blessings really clearly along with all the problems. I know I still need it, and I depend on it every day. It is kind of a leap of faith, but I believe overall it's for the greater good.

Novel

2010-10-13T08:15:00.000-06:00

Last night Dr. G and I were laughing about people who say process-eez instead of processes. Science types, specifically. I wonder where that comes from? Is there an accent that pronounces a simple plural like that? Or do they just want to rhyme with fancy words like "isosceles?" Probably they see it as a social marker that means, "I am smart." But to me it makes no sense.

Another thing I see scientists do - engineers, too - is use the word "novel" to mean new. Which is correct and fine. But I think it is another way of saying, "I am a smarty smart smart scientist." Well, today I am co-opting it.

My parents are staying for a week at a timeshare condo near here. We are having a good ol' time. We went to the hot springs, which has pools and hot tubs both indoor and out. Even the regular pools are like 95 degrees, so it's pleasant to swim even in the chilly October weather. Also there is a giant waterslide. If the littles wear life jackets they are allowed to go down by themselves. They quite wore themselves out. Wonderful.

Last night my parents came and took my homeschooler and my preschooler to spend the night at the condo. Which means that after getting A&K off to the neighborhood elementary this morning, I am utterly alone with no one to dress, feed, teach, or placate.

Novel.

I can see how a person could stay completely sane.

What I will do is turn on some loud Indigo Girls, take my time in the shower, and then get going on my smarty smart smart freelance work about agenda setting in the U.S. Senate (a copy edit), study abroad in China (a story), mining methods in Chile (another copy edit) and churchy stuff (volunteer work for the LDS Church's Web site).

That's how the smart people party.

Adventurous

2010-10-11T13:54:00.000-06:00

Today I went to my class at the Y, as I do most Mondays. I arrived a few minutes late, as I often do (I have Responsibilities). My classmates, whom I know pretty well by now, were running sprints. Something seemed off. I squinted a bit, because I don't wear my glasses to work out. I'm a sweaty person, like, more than normal, and they slip. Thus, squinting. I'm sure it was very cute.

Oh. No teacher.

So guess what we did? People took turns teaching. We had sprints. We had laps with weights. We had step. And then it was time for our normal strength portion of the class. Guess who taught yoga and Pilates for 20 whole minutes? Me!

Guess all those years of sweating to the DVDs paid off.

I will put that on the list of things I never thought I'd do. But guess what? It was kind of fun!

Wednesday our teacher is going to be gone again. I am already thinking of ideas for a resistance ball workout.

Soft-n-sweet

2010-10-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

As you know, we've been eating homemade bread lately. Not just yeast bread, either.

I found a fabulous cornbread recipe called Yankee Cornbread in the book at left (great book!) and sweetened it up a bit, making it reminiscent of the ultra sweet and soft cornbread we used to get at a restaurant called Frontier Pies. Sometimes we called it Frontier Cow Pies, but we did like the cornbread.

Sweet and Soft Cornbread

2 c all-purpose flour
2 c yellow corn meal
1 c sugar
8 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp salt

1 c milk
1/2 c vegetable oil
4 eggs, lightly beaten

Heat oven to 425.

Place all dry ingredients in large bowl. Whisk together until evenly mixed.

Add wet ingredients and stir just until everything is incorporated.

Pour batter into 9x13" pan and spread evenly. Bake in 450 oven for 30-35 minutes.

Zisms

2010-10-06T14:28:00.000-06:00

Z was in the shower with me while I shaved my legs this morning. This was a landmark occurrence, being a weekday. But I accidentally wore capris to my class at the Y and oh, embarrassing. Thus I shaved in shame. Anyway, Z was pretending to shave, too, using a little bit of my Aveeno shaving foam. And then I heard,

"I don't know why they call this cream. It doesn't taste very good."

Steps

2010-10-05T23:34:00.000-06:00

So over the weekend I made a decision to follow my sister M2's wise decision, a decision I realized I perceived as way too momentous, to step away from Facebook for a while.

I stink at controlling my use of that colossal timesuck. I get too emotionally involved in things that are none of my business or not that important or out of my hands. I play time-wasting games and resent my kids' interrupting my turn at Scrabble (really Lexulous, but you know, whatever). I look at blackmail-worthy high school photos over and over again. It's just not right for me to be there all day, every day.

I posted about it yesterday (so yeah, I'm an attention whore a little bit, I wanted all the "I'll miss you" comments) and this morning, deactivated the account.

It's more a symbolic gesture than anything else. All I have to do is log in again, and everything will be right there. But I've said I'm taking a break, and I'm taking a break. I would feel too stupid showing up again just a couple of days after my dramatic exit. Ah, pride.

I felt a little lost today. I wanted to post the funny things the kids said, like Kimori explaining to his friend that we moved away from California because we were all just way too hot there. And there were more, but I forgot them because I didn't have a place to post them in hit-and-run fashion as I am accustomed to doing. Maybe I will have to start keeping a notebook.

In between homework time and dinner prep time, I kind of wandered around wondering what I was supposed to do. And then I got out my planner and mapped out the next couple of days. I emailed some folks. Hey, productivity!

Tomorrow I am probably going to have to actually clean the house, or tackle some crazy thing like mending or filing. Ugh. No wonder I love facebook. Maybe once I get the piles down, I'll go back.

To-tofu, T-To-To F-Fu-Fu

2010-09-30T22:25:00.000-06:00

Just thought I would send September out with a Veggie Tales silly song title and a recipe for the yummy salad we had tonight.

Baked Tofu Salad

Marinade
2 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1 inch fresh ginger root, minced or pressed in garlic press
1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp honey or agave syrup

Dressing
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp honey or agave syrup
2 inches fresh ginger root, minced or pressed in garlic press
4 tbsp vegetable oil
Sriracha hot sauce to taste

1 lb extra firm light tofu, drained and pressed between two plates with a heavy can on top
4 c salad greens, washed and dried
1 c snow peas, trimmed
1 cucumber, sliced
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained
1/2 c chopped almonds

Whisk together ingredients for marinade in a small bowl. Dice tofu in 1/2 inch dice. Pour marinade over tofu. Spread in single layer on cookie sheet and place in 400 degree oven.

Whisk together dressing ingredients. Use the same small bowl. Set aside.

Toast almonds in a skillet over medium heat until lightly brown.

Take the cookie sheet out. Turn the tofu over. Put it back in.

Mix vegetables and oranges in a large salad bowl.

When tofu is golden and slightly crusty and all marinade is absorbed, take it out of the oven. Add to salad. Sprinkle with almonds and add dressing. Toss lightly.

Steamed rice on the side for this. So nice for our beautiful Indian summer.

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2010-09-29T21:55:00.001-06:00

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Little blue

2010-09-24T09:34:00.000-06:00

This week has been one long uphill.

Sunday night as I was falling asleep I suddenly realized I was not breathing right; no air was getting in through my nose. I slept only fitfully, Monday morning Dr. G. left for work and I realized I had that special hit-by-a-Mac-truck feeling. Headache, weakness, congestion.

I distinctly remember being told as a kid, "Most of the work of this world is done by people who aren't feeling well." Even five years ago I probably would have forced myself to get up and shower, dosed up on DayQuil, and gone about my day.

I don't do that anymore. Maybe it's just that I'm older, or maybe it's because DayQuil doesn't work like it used to (thanks a million, meth epidemic) but these days the old muscle-through approach does not produce good results for me anymore. These days when a bug gets me I do my best to get in bed and stay there for a day or two, armed solely with tissue and fluids. And maybe still DayQuil, because it is nice to breathe.

Rest doesn't come easy when you're responsible for the care, feeding and education of four other people who are distinctly not sick or tired in any way and not particularly sympathetic.

Even better, Dr. G had to leave midafternoon Monday for a week-long training trip (you have to learn GIS before you teach it to the undergrads, I suppose). Nobody to baby me, not even in the evening hours. Nobody to whine to. Nobody to pick up the slack. I know I could live this way all the time, if I had to. I know people do it. I really never, never want to.

So I did get up and shower. I put on some roomy lounge pants and a big t-shirt. I didn't want to be wearing my actual purple-striped pajamas when I schlepped around picking up kids with my sickie self. I figured a moderate trailer trash look would work, and I could collapse easily back into bed as soon as I had the kids safely deposited back in front of the TV.

After picking up my first grader I also got my sorry self to Safeway for medicine and chicken soup. I thought I'd try one of these Vicks Inhalers and whoa, good stuff. I also got my favorite cough drops and some Airborne, even though I know it doesn't work all miracle-style like I used to think. It still makes another type of liquid to drink and I need all I can get.

I think I rested pretty successfully. I felt about halfway better by Tuesday and have improved a little every day since then. We've managed some of our responsibilities and let some others slide (A missed his guitar lesson Monday when I was flattened, and nobody felt like making the trek to scouts on Wednesday.) Pardon me while I congratulate myself on choosing my battles.

However, the house still looks like I've been in bed all week and I am so tired of being sick I just want another rest day. Dr. G should be home tomorrow around midday. I think I can almost see over the top of the hill. Not soon enough. But I think I can, I think I can.

Loving lately

2010-09-11T00:00:00.000-06:00

It has been a good long time since I made a list of stuff I love.

Garden lettuce. Next year maybe I will just plant all lettuce and peas. They are the only things that have really thrived. The zucchini, beans and tomatoes got some frost damage earlier this week. Next year I will get some frames built to protect them better. But the lettuce is still so, so good.
Bite-size Heath bars. Large potential for overindulgence. They're so little and easy to eat. So, so yummy.
Pound cake. I use the Betty Crocker recipe and put vanilla glaze on it. Double the vanilla. It soaks in some, crusts over some.
Dr. G made a Pandora station based on the Smiths. It just played for me, in a row, "Reel Around the Fountain" (amazing lyrics), "Here Comes Your Man" by the Pixies, and "Pretty in Pink" by the Psychedelic Furs. Pandora is the bomb. I also have an Indigo Girls station, well loved and used.
New music from Ari Hest and Rosi Golan performing together as The Open Sea, coming soon. Free preview on myspace. So perfect for a chilly autumn.
New music from Mindy Gledhill. I just got it today - it's very clever, light and fun. I want to go back to hearing more of her depth and strength, though, too. Vocally, I mean. I think the content on Anchor has plenty to think about. I just want that powerful voice that wowed me when I first heard her sing in Fresno. Next album, Mindy?
My flower/herb beds out front. Red petunias, sedum, phlox, marigolds, mums, salvia, pansies, nasturtiums, mint, sage, and parsley have all played so nicely together all summer. Tonight I bought some bulbs - crocuses, grape hyacinths and white daffodils. I think they'll be so pretty! And I think tomorrow will be a great day for planting.
Speaking of the garden, look at Sustainable Seed Company for heritage organic seeds. I know I'm not the only person already thinking about next year!
Forest Born by Shannon Hale. I'm right in the middle of it, so I can't do a real true review just yet. But oh, I think this might be my favorite one of all the Bayern books. I love the themes about guilt and healing. I love how adeptly the author uses little linguistic cues to accentuate the cultural differences among her characters - the different regions and nations they come from. And of course I am inhaling the story like the rainy, piney Montana air. Anybody who needs a good world to get lost in after finishing Mockingjay - this is a good one. Start with The Goose Girl. Four good books in a row - have fun!

Now, some homeschool stuff:

LearnThat.org. This is the new incarnation of what used to be eSpindle. We use it for homeschool spelling. Love it. Slightly tempted to start using it for myself and learn all kinds of esoteric vocab.
Books by Joy Hakim. We are using the A History of Us series for American History and the first volume of The Story of Science to guide our science studies and squeeze in some world history at the same time. Her voice is so enjoyable. I am getting a pretty good education/re-education working with Sam on these.
Teaching Textbooks for math. I love the friendly voice and the fact that S can do it completely on his own. I also like the mixed review right now, at the beginning of the school year. S is acing everything!
The Trumpet of the Swan. Our first literature unit this year, and it had me on the brink of tears almost daily. So beautiful.
Drawing with Ed Emberley. Thanks to Grandma Judy for introducing S to this. It makes art very accessible to a guy who still struggles with hand-eye coordination, and as a bonus, it also motivates him to write stories! He has three Ed Emberley books now and wants the rest for Christmas. Santa, take notice!

Necessity

2010-09-06T18:17:00.000-06:00

I remember my first experiments with making bread, sometime in the first couple of years after getting married. My main response: All this work, just to eat it? I thought of all the women in the world who spent, who still spend, so much time making bread, and of those who eat it without much thought. It's just bread, right? And although now most people agree that good homemade bread is a very big deal, there was a time in our culture when it was pretty well taken for granted. And in some parts of the world the daily work of making bread still is very routine.

Fast forward. I obtained a bread machine for $20 on eBay and experimented with it. I was less than impressed. I gave it away. I tried different recipes, some good and some iffy. I still mostly bought bread at the grocery store.

Then, early this summer, weirdness. My lip suddenly swelled up like a botched collagen job after eating a ham sandwich with watermelon for lunch. What was I allergic to? The ham, the watermelon? After more experiments (with varying results that have me looking like a Simpsons character from time to time), I have determined that the answer is this: I am allergic to some kind of preservative or something found in prepared bread products, including cereal and tortillas.

You can imagine I don't so much take bread for granted anymore. I eat less of it. I enjoy it more when I do. I think about the bread broken by Jesus at the feeding of the five thousand or the Last Supper. I think about the bread kneaded and baked by pioneer women. I savor the sandwich buns made by my grandma when I encounter them on a picnic.

We do have a Great Harvest bakery in town, and I'm a fan. However, not every week can I plunk down $5 per loaf. I've found a recipe that works very well, doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, keeps well in the fridge, makes good toast, and is eagerly eaten by my kids. It's Farm Journal. If you've read this blog, you know about the Farm Journal advice I got from my grandma - same one who makes the fabulous sandwich buns - if you see a Farm Journal cookbook, buy it. Good advice. Here's the recipe, with my notes.

Easy Mixer Bread

2 1/2 c. warm water (hot out of the tap works fine for me, but the book says 110-115 degrees F)
4 1/2 tsp. (2 packages) active dry yeast
1/2 c. instant nonfat dry milk
2 tbsp. sugar or honey
1 tbsp. salt (I like to use kosher salt for this)
1/3 c. vegetable oil
7 to 7 1/2 c. flour - use AT LEAST half BREAD FLOUR for best results! You can do half bread flour and half all purpose, or half bread flour and half whole wheat flour

Pour warm water into large mixer bowl. Sprinkle yeast over top. Add dry milk, sugar, salt, oil, and 3 c. flour. Blend well on low speed using whisk attachment, scraping sides and bottom of bowl. Blend on medium speed for 3 minutes.

Gradually add remaining flour to make a stiff dough. In my experience stick closer to 7 c. of flour if you're using whole wheat, closer to 7 1/2 if it's all white. Cover and let rest for 15 minutes.

Toss dough on a floured surface until no longer sticky. Knead until smooth - about 1 minute. Divide in half. Use rolling pin to flatten each half to a rectangle about 12x6". Roll up like a jelly roll, tucking edges to make a smooth loaf shape. Place, seam side down, in well greased loaf pans.

Cover (I use plastic wrap sprayed with PAM) and let rise in a warm place, 1 to 1 1/2 hours. My wheat bread usually needs to rise longer than my white bread.

Bake at 400 for 30-35 minutes. Remove from pans immediately. Brush crust with butter to soften (and make it YUMMY). Set on side of loaf to cool on wire racks. Don't slice it until it's cool. It will still be fabulous.

Weighing

2010-09-04T13:18:00.000-06:00

You've probably noticed, I haven't felt much like blogging. I blame facebook, and also laziness. They complement each other. But I think I should discipline myself to do more writing, real writing, and this is a little start.

Lucy is inspiring me this week with her snippets. They're so fun to read, really what a personal blog should be like if you ask me. I don't know if I'll do the same thing exactly, but I do want to write more about my life. Exercise the writing muscles.

I need to do more sorting out of my thoughts. I feel like I have racing brain syndrome a lot of the time lately, and I'm pretty sure it would be more productive to think through all these thoughts through rather than playing Lexulous all the time and ignoring them. Because they don't go away. They just come back even crazier.

Dr. G. is so happy in his new job. The stress I saw in him as a grad student and even in his last job as a research scientist seems to have melted away. He thrives on teaching and still gets to do some research - well, theoretically. Maybe not so much this year while he is developing his courses and writing papers based on his previous research. I'm super happy for him. He really has found the perfect fit.

This makes me think - as I so often do - I should be doing what makes me super happy for myself. A lot of times I am. I'm reading children's lit. I am cooking and baking, hurray for that. No escaping those pursuits when you are a mother of four, so it's good that I like them, huh?

But as always, I yearn to do more creative work.

I had an interesting experience last month in Utah at a family reunion, singing some Gershwin with my uncle Tom who is a jazz pianist in New York. He was so complimentary that I really started feeling like I need and want to do more. What I imagine is finding a good local pianist who loves standards and can really swing, and just starting to make music and maybe working up to performances after several months of working together. Performances where, though? Bars? I think no. And what pianist? And with what time? Obstacles are many.

Another option is the local symphony chorale. It's not exactly what I would choose to do with my voice in an ideal world. But it would be easier. My friend Christine sings there and has kindly encouraged me to join up. But I am torn about the rehearsal time - Monday nights. Boo. Possibly we could have it a different night now - but what about in a couple of years when sports and other activities are competing for our family time?

I sacrificed music on purpose, a long time ago. I knew soon after I got married in 1993 that the kind of musical life I would want would be pretty tough to combine with the kind of family life I would want. Sometimes I've thought I might have been wrong about that. But really, I probably was right. Especially considering how challenging and consuming it's been for us just to get our kids, let alone raise them. And I do still think the family life is more important. The key now is not to resent the choice I made.

The creative thing I can do without depending on others' schedules or cutting way into family time is writing. So that sort of brings me back where I started.

I thought it was going to get easier this year - my plan was to get S back in public school and Z in preschool. But I was increasingly uncomfortable with the public school idea over the summer, and after a lot of prayer decided to homeschool S again. He just learns better when he's not facing the constant distractions and poor-behavior temptations of a regular classroom. And it's been good for our relationship, there's no denying. Then it made more sense, if I was going to have S at home again, to wait one more year before paying for preschool for Z. So she will do the co-op preschool two days a week with a group of moms and kids from church, and save formal preschool for next year. She can't go to kindergarten until Fall 2012 anyway, thanks to her November birthday.

All this just means I have to be disciplined and organized if I am going to get any good writing time. And probably get a good laptop so I can work while S is occupied with computer learning.

That's doable, right?

Wife brag

2010-08-08T22:56:00.000-06:00

This will only take a minute.

My husband's going to be a tenure-track professor at his grandpa's alma mater.

Isn't that cool?

Personal review

2010-07-30T20:02:00.000-06:00

I'll be the first to say, I couldn't be objective about this book if I tried. Dr. G and I knew Braden and his family when we were at BYU in the mid-90s. We had his two oldest kids in our nursery class at church. This was when we wanted our own babies and couldn't have them, and D and S were kind of our special favorites. We committed all their funny little sayings to memory, and I can still picture their earnest and funny little toddler and preschool faces. I understand from Braden's family blog that as big teenagers they don't particularly like to be blogged about, so I won't relate their amusing pasts, I guess.

Anyway, when we first knew Braden, he was sick. Dr. G was one of the home teachers who helped bring the sacrament to him each week when he was bedridden. We participated with church members, friends and family in the massive fast that helped turn his illness around. A couple of very special times I have shared what I know of his story in lessons about fasting or miracles at church and felt the Spirit witness what an absolute miracle it is that he went on, after that debilitating battle, to complete a graduate degree, excel in a career he loves, and serve as a bishop (similar in some ways to a pastor or priest in other faiths).

So when Braden writes about pain and sadness, I know he's not imagining. When he writes about healing and miracles, it comes from a real place.

But I've read fiction by other dear friends before, friends whose experiences I know something of and with whom I sympathize. I don't always like their work, even when I like them a lot.

Braden's book, I liked. His writing doesn't call attention to itself, a quality I love. Instead of being show-offish, it's a vehicle for story. The characters felt natural and honest. Every one of them, I thought, seemed to have a little bit of the author's heart in him or her. (And maybe a little bit of me, too.) The experiences were forthrightly told, nothing hidden, nothing shied away from. There's humor that appeals to someone like me who was brought up to be a little bit of a snob when it comes to the arts, and there's sincerity that reminds me it's much more important to be a disciple of Christ.

The story brings together the members of a diverse congregation who have a range of spiritual problems: Depression, pride, illness, addiction, even just feeling like an outsider. The book presents all its characters unvarnished and yet all lovable. And the balm for every wound - in this book as in life - is the Atonement of Christ.

Wholeheartedly recommended. Thanks for your work, Braden.

Oh, happy day

2010-07-19T16:23:00.000-06:00

As of last Thursday, we have a new six-year-old in the house. With new river gear (goggles, inner tube and fishing pole) and a special quilt from Grandma, he was spoiled in the morning.

That night he played his first ever soccer game. (I am his coach. Yeah, scary.) We lost 2-0 but K played with gusto. I think he will have fun with this.

The following evening we had a party at the local pizza/arcade/blow your money type place. It actually turns out to be a good deal and very easy to do. So grateful our wonderful new Montana friends came out to wish K a happy birthday! He had an awesome time!

Around uptown

2010-07-18T23:52:00.000-06:00

I took some pictures around Uptown Butte after my Saturday shift at the Folk Fest. It's pretty obvious what I like: patina. It is not in short supply.

National Folk Festival

2010-07-18T23:44:00.000-06:00

The National Folk Festival enjoyed its third year in Butte. I was a volunteer for Friday and Saturday nights, taking around a big bucket and asking people for money. Never thought of myself as a fundraiser but it turns out I am not too shabby at "The Ask." Helped that I got to listen to some amazing zydeco from Geno Delafose and French Rockin' Boogie while I bopped around saying, "Would you like to help support the festival tonight?"

We took the kids back the next day to dance to this band. Because I really wanted to, and it was hard to dance with the big red bucket in hand!

I also got to hear some bluegrass and honky tonk, but honestly Geno is my new hero.

You can check him out on Amazon. Yes, indeedy.

Buried treasure

2010-06-29T16:34:00.000-06:00

So here's a book I never would have picked up on my own. But I needed something to read on our long plane trek home from Alaska, and my mother in law thought I'd like this 1940s-set gem. She was right. I looked for this book on Amazon since I'm trying to do this fancy-dancy Amazon Associates thing. It's out of stock. But you can read the whole book at Google Books! It's your lucky day, people!

Winter Wheat is in some sense regional fiction, very much about the wheat-growing country of central Montana, but it's also more universal than that. It's mostly about a daughter, Ellen, striving to understand her parents and their love for each other - something she doubts as she discovers romantic love for herself. And it's about different Americans - urban, rural, immigrants, soldiers, zealots, children, teachers - and how they influence each other. Still pretty relevant things to think about, 60 or 70 years later.

One thing bugged me; the moment of epiphany for the protagonist practically had neon lights around it. I wish someone could have told the author (Mildred Walker) that we would have gotten it even without the caps and italics. But I just chalked it up to an Anne Shirley moment and moved on. Overall, I enjoyed the entire book. Not a hard read. Not a controversial read. Just a great story. I'd say it's an underrated classic, even.

The whole plains feeling of the setting and the great character of Ellen's Russian mother, Anna, kept me thinking of My Antonia ... an all-time fave for me, a high compliment.

Used to be home

2010-06-29T14:07:00.000-06:00

We went to Fairbanks for our summer vacation.

There's some irony in hightailing it north just as soon as Montana gets habitable. But the Alaskan Interior is actually fabulous this time of year. June 17 we left a place that looked like Seattle (rainy, cold, and very very green) for a place that looked like ... well, I've never seen another place that looks like Fairbanks in June. It's also very green, but with big blue skies, light all night, flowers everywhere, and of course kajillions of mosquitos.

It's a strange feeling, visiting Fairbanks. I lived there from 1989 to 1992, then went back in the summers of 1993 and 4 after my first two years of college. And I've visited several other times. So for me, it is going back to a kind of home. Maybe a place that used to be home. But for Dr. G it is a very intense homecoming. He spent his whole life there until he left for Korea at age 19. He gets there and never wants to leave. I told him there is no place that is really like that for me. I've moved around too much. I guess maybe that means I'm wide open to finding my true home. That could be a good thing. (Montana is well on its way to proving itself. Right now it is spectacular!)

We stayed with Dr. G's parents (Dr. G the first, my enthusiastic, eccentric father in law who is a little like a 70-year-old version of my ADHD son, and his saint of a wife, my husband's amazing, sainted mother). We took it easy. We did little outings around town and the outlying area. Lots of river time. Lots of park time. Some great shopping and food. And lots of hanging out in G's childhood home with some fabulous pets. I really think we are going to have to get a dog.

Waking up

2010-06-13T00:28:00.000-06:00

I had heard Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything mentioned several times. Read about it. When I walked by it on a Target endcap a little more than a week ago, I grabbed it.

Whoa. Game changer. I have been trying - well, supposedly trying - to lose weight for years. I have gotten pretty darn strong working out. I take a small amount of weight off, I put it back on. Bottom line: I am still chubby because I have never learned to manage my eating.

This book had me recognizing myself on virtually every page. Realizing that where I've always thought, "I don't have 'issues;' I just like food," I actually do have issues. The careening, careless food behavior I have taken part in for the last, oh, forever? It's not just me. And my inability to change it is not because I'm weak-willed; it's because I have not addressed my real stuff. I have never learned to embrace the life I have. I have been trying alternately to escape and subdue reality for a long time.

It's really been a case of "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." Between Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything and working through the LDS Addiction Recovery Program on an informal basis with some friends (on the premise that everybody has some addictions, whether it's to food or yelling at your kids, or something more widely recognized as illegal or destructive), and really getting hit hard by Julie Beck's talk from April Conference, I am learning a ton and really starting to change some things. Priorities. Judgments (of self). Behaviors. It's kind of amazing to be putting so much together right now.

Expedition

2010-06-12T17:38:00.000-06:00

A week ago we went to Lewis and Clark Caverns State Park. We lucked out and got a beautiful day amid all the rain we have had recently. The kids were good and the caves were fabulous. Seriously, this is a huge network of caves with fabulous formations. Best I've seen, and I've been in a few. I even got some cool pictures. (The scenery shots are for you, Lucy!)

For the kiddoes, some summer books

2010-06-10T10:04:00.000-06:00

I'm going to do a catch-all book post; it's been a while, and there are a few I just must get out of my system! (I'm also trying out the Amazon Associates program; thus the links.)

I've read a lot of children's and young adult lit in the past year. Ostensibly, to preview books for my homeschooled 5th grader. Really, because I like it.

Among the best of these, Elijah Of Buxton by Christopher Paul Curtis. I picked it up several months ago because I knew we would be studying slavery and the Civil War at the end of the year. It seemed age-appropriate and I think a good historical novel can be a wonderful way to learn about history. (I still remember more about Across Five Aprils than about any other aspect of my own middle-school Civil War study.) Well, Elijah of Buxton fulfilled all my expectations. It gives a great view of a (real) settlement of freed slaves in Canada, as well as a cross-section of former slaves and how they deal with the ongoing problem of slavery in 1860. It's humorous, authentic, accessible. The characters - especially Mr. Leroy and the Preacher - are deep and complicated, just perfect for discussing with a kid who is beginning to understand that there are shades of gray in this world. An 11-year-old kid, like Elijah, like my son S. And the ending will blow you away. It was a put-the-book-down-and-cry kind of ending for me, but so beautiful. The whole family listened to Elijah of Buxton on CD in the car on our Memorial Day/A's birthday trip to Utah. Even Dr. G was captivated.

This spring, I have successfully sold my kids on Fablehaven by Brandon Mull. Easy sell! When I want to get them started on books I think are great, all I typically have to do is read a few chapters aloud. Then the book disappears and I don't know where it is until I hear people start fighting over it. We were a little late to the party; as is my custom. I know everybody else has been reading Fablehaven forever. But by doing it this way, we've gained an important advantage: We don't have to wait months and months in between installments. We can just gorge ourselves straight through on the whole series. (We did Harry Potter this way, too!)

What we love about these books: a successful merging of fantasy into the lives of ordinary kids. Seth and Kendra could be in our family, the with sarcasm and bickering and everything. They're regular people, but when crises arise, they step it up and do what needs to be done. That's an eternal truth, right there. Happy to read that to my kids. I also love the themes about obedience, courage, loyalty. These books teach without being didactic - they're all about natural laws and consequences. Just like real life, except with fairies and demons and stuff.

I am lucky and only a little envious to know the author of Palace Beautiful, Sarah DeFord Williams. We met through our mutual friend Heather and did some hanging out in our BYU days. Viva International Cinema!

Palace Beautiful reminds me a little of a Lois Lowry book - maybe Number the Stars, in that it's about a girl with great courage at an extremely challenging time in history. And I do mean a comparison to Lowry as a huge compliment!

It takes place in Salt Lake City, where two sisters and a friend discover a diary kept by a young girl during the 1918 influenza epidemic. Learning about her life and her losses, they find the strength they need in their own.

I went with some friends to Sarah's book launch party for Palace Beautiful in Salt Lake in April. She said in her talk that this book is about what happens after the worst happens, and how we find a new OK after we think we're never going to be OK again. I love that.

My 9-year-old has devoured this book. He's a boy, by the way. Nice work, Sarah!

2010-06-08T16:31:00.001-06:00

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Our tea party

2010-06-02T15:15:00.000-06:00

No guns. No threats. No crazy-loco ideas. Just cute little girls with cupcakes, strawberries, popcorn and pink lemonade. Thanks to my sister M for making it happen.

Spring

2010-05-26T16:13:00.001-06:00

My favorite season of the year takes a long time to arrive in Montana. Or maybe it just behaves differently here. True, we now have green grass and even dandelions, but they all seem to get snowed on about once a week. This depresses me a little. I'm trying not to complain too much. I don't want to be the obnoxious and wimpy California transplant. I'm not a real Californian, after all. I should be considered more Utahn than Californian by virtue of years spent there, and I'm a little bit Alaskan, too. So handling a wet and snowy Montana spring ought to be no biggie.

But even when I lived in Alaska I remember psyching myself into a spring mindset. This I did by wearing spring clothing as early as March, when the temperatures got up to zero or so. Nowadays my legs are neither as cute nor as cold-hardy as they used to be, so I don't do that anymore. But I have found some spring-oriented mood-boosters.

1. Take a walk through a nursery. It's warm and humid, and the colors are almost as intoxicating as the scent of wet, warm earth. Promise yourself some petunias as soon as it is safe to put things in the ground (June 1, so I'm told).

2. Spray tan.

3. Sprout some seeds indoors. Pray they survive until it's safe to put things in the ground.

4. On a related note, build some raised beds. Mine are wood, but my darling cousin Jodi has great instructions for vinyl ones here. They look better than mine. Hmph.

5. Work on feet. I WILL wear sandals this year. Actually I really just need a real pedicure. Maybe after payday.

6. Work on skin. This is excellent stuff, way more than I would usually spend on skincare products but well worth the money.

7. Tidy up the patio. Dr. G did most of the real work. For my part, I plan to get four Adirondack chairs on sale and paint them some wonderful color. Perhaps turquoise.

8. Plan a vacation or two. We're going to Utah a couple of times (one very, very soon) and to Alaska in June for Dr. G's 20-year high school reunion.th

9. Buy summer produce even if it is a little expensive. Fresh cherries were the star of my life today.

10. Eat salad for dinner. Maybe one like this.

Crunchy Chicken Salad

1/2 head Romaine lettuce

1 c. diced jicama

2 stalks diced celery

2 tomatoes, cut in wedges

1 orange, peeled, halved lengthwise, and sliced

2 c. cooked, diced leftover chicken (it's good if you've grilled it or if it has a little barbecue or sweet/spicy flavor)

Sunflower seeds

Newman's Own Light Lime Vinaigrette

Combine all the veggies and chicken. Add sunflower seeds and dressing just before serving.

4 servings.

Chicken enchiladas

2010-05-19T12:12:00.000-06:00

About once a year, give or take, I run away for a weekend with a group of longtime friends. We started as an online group of Mormon moms. I joined about 1998 when I was looking for infertility support. We're now just simply old friends. I love my girls!

When we get together, we mostly shop, gab, and eat. And eat and eat. We snack. We cook. We go out.

I like to cook for this group because they are oh-so-appreciative. Nobody says to me, "This smells like barf," or "What is that?"

Last time we got together, I made the caramelized onion quiche from Simply Recipes (still far and away my favorite food blog, even though I can't get the fabulous, fresh California produce anymore). That was one darn decadent breakfast. I still look back with fondness.

This year, at a townhouse in Park City conveniently located just up the road from one of our favorite haunts - the infamous outlets - I did a recipe of my own invention. I give you:

Park City Chicken Enchiladas

1 lb. chicken breasts or thighs, boneless, seasoned with salt and pepper

1 large onion
1 tsp vegetable oil or olive oil
2 cloves garlic
1 tbsp cumin
1/2 tbsp coriander
1/2 tbsp oregano
1 package cotija cheese (substitute drained cottage cheese if you have to)

1 package corn tortillas
1 large can green enchilada sauce

1 c shredded monterey jack cheese

Grill, saute or bake chicken. Grilling is best. Cut into small dice (1/2" to 3/4" size chunks.) Crumble cotija and mix with chicken in a large bowl.

Saute onion in oil until transparent and beginning to turn golden. Add garlic and spices and stir for 1 minute. Combine onion mixture with chicken and cheese in large bowl.

Place about 1/3 of your enchilada sauce in the bottom of a large baking pan (the big stoneware baker from Pampered Chef is perfect - think large lasagna pan. You can also use a regular 9x13 cake pan but you will likely have more enchiladas so prepare a small pan also).

Warm tortillas in the microwave to soften for about a minute. Roll about 3 tbsp of the chicken filling into each tortilla and place side by side in pan. Don't worry too much if they crack, and don't be afraid to pack them in tight. Tuck down any tortilla pieces sticking up. Pour remaining sauce over the top. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes. You want the cheese melty and bubbly.

Options: You can substitute grilled zucchini and corn to make this a vegetarian entree. You can also just add them into the filling if you want it all!

Coming attractions

2010-05-19T01:19:00.000-06:00

I have some posts jangling around in my head. I figure if I make a list, maybe I will actually take the photos and write the posts. Me and my lists. I'm sure it's not OCD.

- My all-time best thrifting finds (I used one today when it was raining)

- Stuff I have had for forever and still use (who remembers my Scotland sweatshirt?)

- Chicken enchildas

- Crocheted Barbie dresses

- Baby plants for the garden

- My quest for a dog ... is it time to pee or get off the pot? (Always ladylike, I am)

So, which one do you think I should do first? I am thinking maybe the enchiladas, because if I don't take a photo tomorrow when I heat some up for my lunch, they will all be gone. But what's your take?

What goes around

2010-05-07T17:35:00.000-06:00

Do you believe in karma?

I have a great-aunt named Carma, and she is for sure real and super nice. My wedding reception was at her house and she even let everybody come inside when a Utah late-summer thunderstorm started up.

The other kind of karma, I have always kind of thought was a nice idea, but this week it seems to be happening so fast I can't miss it.

I edited a resume for an extended family member at no charge. I got to send two invoices for paid projects. I love doing this so much I feel a little like Cordelia in Season 1 of Angel (nerd train, slow down, I need to get my other leg on board).

I watched kids for two friends on the same day. I got invited to a girls' movie night out. (Tonight! I am excited!)

I think Karma might be just like the rest of us girls. Nice when you treat her nice.

Come what May

2010-05-05T16:58:00.000-06:00

Just some randoms.

Got Tsubo Balin peep-toe strappy pumps in off-white using my birthday money. Man, is my skin ever white. Possibly whiter than the shoes. Thank heaven for Neutrogena.
Here is a hint. If you want to get good shoes without breaking the bank, try on the brand you like in a store to find your size. Then find your shoes on eBay. (How dorky was it to link that?) I can usually find them for 50 to 60 percent off.
Cinco de Mayo! Shrimp and avocado soft tacos with cilantro slaw at our house tonight. How fast can you get here?
Thank you, Netflix streaming video, for babysitting my children while I work on fun freelance projects for UC Merced. I am super busy with student spotlights and a political science paper. Not complaining!
S read "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle in three days. That is quick for him. I think the themes about individual strengths and weaknesses found some resonance. I am feeling kinda proud.
K is barfy today. There is real Coca-Cola in the house. How much have I had? Too much? Ask me at bedtime. I do not like sick-kid days much. It is almost impossible to get a workout in, and I generally dislike having my plans foiled. On the other hand, the slow pace and an excuse to rest are not all bad.
Montana springtime: snow, snow, and lots more snow. Stop, I say! Enough is enough! Yet ... after the storms blow through, it is so bright and clear and beautiful. And I really appreciate the no-asthma aspect after living in the Central Valley of California for 6 years.
We bought tickets to Alaska for Dr. G's 20th high school reunion in June. That's right. When it finally stops snowing here, we will be going north. The whole famdamily. Actually we are really excited. We went in 2007 for G's sister's wedding and it was fabulous. I never blogged much about it because it happened right before Z was reunified with her birthmom for that 30 day trial period. Writing about a vacation was the last thing on my mind. How awesome it will be to go back now that we don't have to get court orders for interstate travel!
If you're thinking of cheaping out and starting your garden seeds in paper cups instead of the nifty little plastic greenhouse peat pellet things, just don't. I had a whole scary mold experience with paper cups. Ugly stuff.
Remember when my blog banner had a purple cordless drill? That was based on my real and much beloved yellow DeWalt. I got it when we had our condo in Salt Lake, probably 10 years ago. The kids left it in the front yard a few weeks ago. Now I do not have a cordless drill anymore. I replaced it with a cheap, corded Black & Decker. For me this may actually be better. It's not like I'm walking around a job site all day using it on different stuff. I'm actually usually in one place working on a specific project. So it's nice not to have to switch battery packs and recharge.
I think S might have dysgraphia. I'm going to try to start the testing process with the school district before he actually is enrolled there in the fall. Stay tuned.

My week

2010-04-30T12:59:00.000-06:00

I cooked for company. (Take the skin off the chicken, use more garlic and celery, and sub diced tomatoes for the tomato sauce.)

I turned 36. Thanks to Dr. G. for surprising me with ice cream cake and balloons. It's not too hard to make me happy!

I made some bread.

I did some good OCD-type menu planning. Wonder if I will really cook breakfast? I need to try. We spend way too much on cold cereal.

It snowed again. But as you can see, it's already melting fast.

I also got my Montana driver's license in the mail. I look like a hardened criminal. Not sharing that one on the blog. Torturing the store clerks and airport check-in attendants of the world with that scary, scary image will be enough.

Hello, Mother

2010-04-23T08:57:00.000-06:00

For Earth Day yesterday we decided to go hiking instead of our usual morning jaunt to the YMCA. We chose Maud S Canyon because it is close by and easy to get to. A little much on the "up" factor for my kids, who have not hiked much. They pooped out before we got to the top. We will have to remedy that. We still had a beautiful hike and enjoyed some good sunshine, getting home well before the weather changed in the afternoon. Springtime in the Rockies!

We got some good discussion time in about erosion, the history of mining in this area, the Boulder Batholith, the purpose of public lands, and why you don't usually want to drink water from a stream (great way to get Giardia!)

This is the fun, fun, fun part of home school!

In a beanery

2010-04-14T20:43:00.000-06:00

The family has christened this recipe "Indian Beans." Fair enough, since I changed it enough that it is really no longer Toor Dal, at all, although I started with that recipe from my "A Little Taste of India" cookbook. (Real Toor Dal, according to the book, would be based on yellow lentils; use something called kokum instead of oranges to impart a tart, fruity flavor to the lentils; start with whole spices to be ground and roasted, and have curry leaves and jaggery and fresh cilantro. None of those were around in my kitchen!)

Impressively, the whole family except one notoriously picky person enjoyed it, and we even had A's friend over for dinner, and he claimed to like it. He ate it, at least.

This is a super earthy dish, rich with spices without being spicy-hot. It's very nice for the still-cold weather up here! We served it with rice, this egg curry, fat-free Greek yogurt standing in for real raita, and sliced oranges. Not too shabby. I ate the leftovers (pictured here) with roasted mushrooms and orange slices.

Indian Beans (modified Toor Dal)

2 c lentils

1 small navel orange, not peeled, cut into quarters

2 tsp ground coriander

2 tsp ground cumin

2 tbsp vegetable oil

1 tsp mustard seeds

1/2 tsp curry powder

1/4 tsp ground cloves

2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground turmeric

1 small can diced green chilies

1 (14-0z) can diced tomatoes

2 tbsp. molasses, honey or agave syrup

Rinse and pick over lentils. Remove any seeds from orange. Place lentils and orange in a medium sized saucepan. Cover with 4 c. water. Bring to a boil, then simmer, adding more water if needed, for about 30 minutes or until the lentils are soft. Remove orange sections and discard. Set lentils aside.

In a large pan, heat oil over low heat. Add the mustard seeds and allow to pop. Add other dry spices and cook for 1 minute. Add tomato and green chilies and cook 2-3 minutes. Add the sweetening of your choice, then stir in the lentils. Bring to a simmer and cook another 10 minutes. Season with salt to taste.

Elevated

2010-04-12T23:36:00.001-06:00

A couple of weeks ago we went up to G's parents' property in the hills north of town to tool around and waste time on a Sunday afternoon.

It was spectacularly lovely.

Groovy tunes

2010-04-08T13:33:00.000-06:00

Miriam requested my workout playlist. It is not a carefully crafted type deal. Just a collection of random stuff I had and/or got recommended by friends and/or got for free from Amazon's free tracks list. Whatever seemed motivational or had the right kind of pace, went on the list.

This baby goes on shuffle, and I skip songs if they aren't working for where I am in the workout at that moment. I also sometimes adjust the resistance on the elliptical so I can match the speed of the songs and stay challenged.

The Breeders: It's the Love
Coldplay: Death and All His Friends
The Breeders: Bang On
Gnarls Barkley: Charity Case
Gnarls Barkley: Run
Lenny Kravitz: Are You Gonna Go My Way?
Lenny Kravitz: Fly Away
Prince: U Got the Look
Prince: Kiss
Prince: 1999
Amy Winehouse: Rehab
Coldplay: Strawberry Swing
Gnarls Barkley: Surprise
Gnarls Barkley: She Knows
Ari Hest: The Weight
Bob Mould: Paralyzed
Caitlin Cary and Thad Cockrell: Second Option
Jack Johnson: Staple It Together
Jack Johnson: Breakdown
Los Lonely Boys: Senorita
Los Lonely Boys: Crazy Dream
Parker Brother: Your California
Sloan: Who Taught You to Live Like That?
The Chevelles: Get it On
Paul Simon: Proof
India Arie: Beautiful Day
Robert Plant and Alison Krauss: Fortune Teller
Gnarls Barkley: Going On
Ari Hest: Dead End Driving
David Bowie: All the Young Dudes
Paul Simon: Can't Run But
The Whigs: Kill Me Carolyn
The Ting Tings: That's Not My Name
OK Go: Here it Goes Again
Jupiter One: Countdown
Joss Stone: Fell in Love With a Boy
Michael Franti: Say Hey (I Love You)
Goldfrapp: Rocket
The Nadas: Long Goodbye
India Arie: Better Way
India Arie: Ghetto
Ari Hest: A Day a Week a Month a Year
Lenny Kravitz: Again

Dare I say

2010-04-07T22:13:00.001-06:00

Diet? I have never wanted to blog about this a lot. I find it a strange combination of personal and boring, at least when it's a constant topic. Nonetheless ...

I have lost 14 pounds since we moved. Part of it is that I have been very consistent about going to the YMCA and have even joined a class, something I never thought I would be into. I am famously uncoordinated and not much of a joiner. Plus, the group fitness room at my gym in Merced was really a fishbowl. No, thanks.

But I like exercise now. The gym is my kid-free time, what with my husband working lots of hours in a new job, with living in a town where we have not yet figured out a good babysitter, and with not having any spare money for that babysitter anyway as we pay off our move and our last several months of living in California. And when I don't have a class (where I will, in fact, work a little harder just because Holly the teacher is there asking me to!) I have an MP3 player and an outstanding list of tunes to motivate me through 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical. (Those are the really good days!)

See, I'm avoiding the food topic. But in fact I have improved a bit on food, too, and the change has certainly helped.

Our bedroom and TV room are now not on the same floor as the refrigerator. So once we put the kids to bed and head downstairs for the evening, it's not so tempting to climb the stairs for a snack.

And I've been sticking pretty religiously with a no-seconds rule. Hard. I love good food. I cook pretty good food. It's really easy for me to keep eating after I should be done, when the food tastes good.

In January and February, the fam and I went on a no-sweets fast and donated what I felt we saved to a couple of different Haiti recovery efforts. This was a big help, no lie. I have a severe sweet tooth. It's better for me sometimes to just go cold turkey. After Easter, I think I need to do it again. Cursed Cadbury mini-eggs. Lucky for me they are seasonal.

I have a few other food principles, too. I will call them principles, not rules. Because there are always exceptions. If I start a plan with no exceptions, pretty soon I want to rebel. And that never turns out well. But at this point I think it is good for me to state them, to help myself stick to them.

First, eating lots and lots and lots of fresh produce. Mushrooms, asparagus, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, onions and cabbage are all great roasted in the oven with a little olive oil. Fabulous for lunch on a baked potato or a bed of greens. And just every once in a while I am buying veggies I don't normally get - radishes are great with salt! Most often I am avoiding animal products for lunch in this way - a great tip from my sister Mary. This does mean actually cooking myself something for lunch instead of grabbing whatever is easy. It takes more effort and I know I am very lucky to be able to do it right now.

Second, making sure I get good fats and antioxidant stuff to make me feel un-deprived: good olive oil, raw almonds, avocados, pomegranates, dark chocolate, strawberries, just yummy foods that are good for me and make me feel like I am having treats.

Third, using whole grain everything when it comes to carbs. Tortillas, breads, pasta, rice. When I make pancakes or cookies or anything I use half and half white and wheat flour.

Fourth, keeping a selection of herbal teas and agave syrup for sweetener on hand in the cupboard.

Fifth, I have been substituting coconut oil for butter in a lot baked goods. My mom gave me a big bucket of it. It is expensive but yummy and much better for you than butter. If you google it there are all kinds of crazy claims - who knows what's true about that. At Christmas I made sugar cookies with coconut oil in the dough and rum flavoring in the icing. They were awesome!

Sixth, I finally got a stainless steel water bottle. I love this. You all need one!

I generally do not like low fat and diet foods. I far, far prefer just eating good and natural foods, and if I am going to have something like butter or cheese or dessert, I just want the real thing in small amounts. But I do buy light salad dressings. The Newman's Own light dressings are fantastic - the lime one is my all time favorite! Hidden Valley's light ranch is good. I can't even remember the difference anymore; it's been so long since I had regular ranch. And I do buy light mayo also (BestFoods) when I buy mayo, although right now we are using homemade mayo made with olive oil that is delicious!

That's all for now. Here's hoping to hit 15 pounds down this week.

Egging on

2010-04-03T19:37:00.000-06:00

Just some photos of our Easter egg exploits today. I had big ideas about doing the Martha Stewart silk tie method and even found several colorful silk ties for 50 cents apiece at my favorite thrift store (same one where I got the blue vinyl chair). But I didn't read the instructions and boiled all the eggs before dyeing. If you click the link you will see that is not how to do it. Moral: read the instructions before you do anything, anything at all, all you geniuses out there.

Thank goodness I had a straightforward PAAS kit stashed, thanks to Dana who sent it via Good Mail. Old skool.

Historical impulse

2010-03-25T00:09:00.001-06:00

All through our Revolution and Constitution homeschool lessons, S and I both have yearned to go and see the places where our history took place. He especially wants to visit Monticello. Man, would that be fun!

Today, thanks to the incomparable architect of that place, our American History text brought our yearnings basically right to our doorstep. Well, compared with Monticello.

And it was in the high 50s today in southwest Montana. Not a day to stay indoors.

So we impulsively packed everybody up, threw some raisins and almonds and bread in the back of the car in case we got hungry, and headed for Missouri Headwaters State Park, near Three Forks, Montana. Here's where Lewis and Clark (and York and Sacagawea!) named the Jefferson and Madison rivers, realized they had no idea where to find the headwaters of the Columbia and perhaps began to clue in that there was no Northwest Passage. But wow, what a beautiful spot! And they were there in July instead of March ... I bet it was even more amazing.

We are so lucky to live in this awesome place!

Sweet pickles

2010-03-24T23:32:00.000-06:00

This is a bit of a catch-up post.

For St. Patrick's Day last week (biggest holiday of the year here in Butte), we decided to try home-corned beef instead of buying a pre-pickled brisket. Mainly because I had a beef roast in the freezer, and I had the pickling spice, and I had a recipe in this cookbook.

When Dr. G's grandparents - pillars of business and social life in this town from the 1940s to the 1960s or so - passed away several years ago, we received a couple barrels of just ... stuff. Some of it, we couldn't use. Some of it was treasure. This was treasure. Great historical recipes, with a few handwritten notes from Grandma.

Here's the corned beef recipe.

We didn't have any saltpeter. Have you ever tried to find that? Yeah, good luck. We went looking for some once, for a science experiment S wanted to do. Unfound.

Also, we didn't pickle our beef for 12 days. Kinda hard to imagine doing that, honestly. We just soaked it for one day. So maybe what we were making was just corned-flavor marinated beef. That's ok. Maybe better.

I had a great helper.

Here's how the beef looked while marinating. I don't provide a lot of gross-out pictures on this blog; this might be my first, actually.

And this is really disappointing: I didn't take pictures of the finished product. It also looked kind of sick; boiled meat is never going to win in the plate-appeal category. But it did taste yummy.

Happy belated St. Paddy's day from the St. Paddy's capital of the Western U.S. We had fun.

Only dreaming

2010-03-16T10:19:00.000-06:00

I've been working on our tax return. Because we were pretty much poorhouse material last year but still managed to buy a house in December, and because of economic stimulus tax credits, it's looking pretty good for us.

So I am dreaming about remodeling our kitchen. Maybe even this summer. More like, staying up all night, googling pictures and obsessing.

Want a peek into my dreams?

Pale blue glass mosaic tile backsplash. Super pretty, lots of light reflection, so pale it's pretty much neutral but will still make a nice contrast with the other materials I'm thinking about.

Copper countertop. I know I want copper in this kitchen - I like the idea of a coppery kitchen in the Copper City! Plus I love that it provides a sterilizable surface comparable to stainless steel, but with a warmer, less industrial look. I like it that you are SUPPOSED to let it show evidence of your work in the kitchen - ring marks and stuff are part of the patina.

The kind of faucet that turns on when you touch it with your elbow. This one is from Delta. I want that bad!

Medium-toned cabinets with integrated handles or possibly no handles. These are from IKEA but I'm not married to that. I like them.

More to come, I hope.